- Land in Tel Aviv June 24th
- Zagreb on June 27th
- Milan July 2nd
- Florence July 5th
- England (?) July 8th (ish)
- Tuscany mid July
- Tel Aviv again July 22nd
- Home July 25th
So excited...
Dec 30, 2014
The Summer Plan
Dec 13, 2014
Dec 9, 2014
Dec 4, 2014
Speak Up
http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/07/5-ways-men-can-respect-women/?utm_content=bufferc3101&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer
I really recommend everyone read this. It's an eye-opening article that my friend posted as her status. Last night, something weird happened and a lot of things came into my understanding all at once. The most important realization was that in our generation, we find it very easy to confront and challenge strangers about pretentious things they say because our world is so overpopulated that we have developed a sense of anonymity. I don't know if this makes much sense but essentially, I think that I am able to lash out at a stranger easily because, in my eyes. there is absolutely nothing preventing me from doing so. However, I have come to realize that many times the people that we are associate ourselves with will say or do things that are not appropriate. And we let them slip by simply because there is a social barrier that we are not willing to compromise or cross. In this sense, we compromise our beliefs in order to prevent the risk of social disruption. What I've realized is that there are some cases in which you must step up and cross over that discomfort. Those who accept that discomfort are the ones who truly respect you. They will be willing to overcome it with an open mind and see through to the challenge. So, I really encourage anyone who is reading this to speak up when something has struck a chord in you. It's the only way to make the changes that some situations deserve.
I really recommend everyone read this. It's an eye-opening article that my friend posted as her status. Last night, something weird happened and a lot of things came into my understanding all at once. The most important realization was that in our generation, we find it very easy to confront and challenge strangers about pretentious things they say because our world is so overpopulated that we have developed a sense of anonymity. I don't know if this makes much sense but essentially, I think that I am able to lash out at a stranger easily because, in my eyes. there is absolutely nothing preventing me from doing so. However, I have come to realize that many times the people that we are associate ourselves with will say or do things that are not appropriate. And we let them slip by simply because there is a social barrier that we are not willing to compromise or cross. In this sense, we compromise our beliefs in order to prevent the risk of social disruption. What I've realized is that there are some cases in which you must step up and cross over that discomfort. Those who accept that discomfort are the ones who truly respect you. They will be willing to overcome it with an open mind and see through to the challenge. So, I really encourage anyone who is reading this to speak up when something has struck a chord in you. It's the only way to make the changes that some situations deserve.
Dec 3, 2014
The Kayapo, a Brazilian Tribe's Social World
“Parents are thought to be connected to their children, and siblings to one another, by a tie that goes deeper than a mere social or emotional bond. This tie is imagined as a sort of spiritual continuation of the common physical substance that they share through conception and the womb. The relation of biological participation lasts throughout life but is broken by death. Cutting off the hair, conceived as the extension of the biological energy of the self into social space, is the symbolically appropriate response to the death of a spouse as well as a child.”
-Terrence Turner, The Social Skin
Wow
What a truly beautiful thing it is it to be completely happy and comfortable with everything around you. The most horrifying reality is the fact that you never truly know whether something has reached its peak or not. We're always on the search for something but what if we finally attain it and then learn that there is something more? And right now, I feel happy. But the striving ends, I've come to realize that. Yes, I am happy with where I am right now and everyone that is around me brings unimaginable joy to my life. But wow, I want this to keep going. I want everything to keep getting better. That is a truly powerful motivator. To keep wanting more...to keep wanting better...to keep looking forward while truly living in the present...wow...a little bit high on life you could say.
Nov 23, 2014
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 13, 2014
Clocktower
"I wanna run away to the left coast, having endless summer running through me. Fill the air with a new home, a new home. Just let it be, cut the chords around me, never wanna hold me back."
Nov 11, 2014
Nov 9, 2014
"But I can't imagine a life without breathless moments breaking me down."
Really though. Some people don't understand why someone will stick with someone that isn't compatible with their own personality type. It's because if everything worked out your way...if everyone you sought out was similar to yourself then there would be nothing interesting to your life...
Really though. Some people don't understand why someone will stick with someone that isn't compatible with their own personality type. It's because if everything worked out your way...if everyone you sought out was similar to yourself then there would be nothing interesting to your life...
Nov 4, 2014
A Comment I saw on a HONY Post
"People really want to talk, to be heard. humans have never been very good at communicating, even before social media. We all have these stories that don't take prying to let out. A nice conversation can lead to an in depth discussion about pain, suffering, happiness, poverty and riches. If given the opportunity with a stranger I would sit, or stand, and answer any question and hope that they won't judge me as I go off into a verbose tangent about my life, my trials, my tribulations. I would hope that they, as a fellow human being, will understand that we all lock away our voices all while dying to be heard."
Nov 3, 2014
I've Learned
There are a lot of things that I've learned about myself in the last year. I've been wanting to write this post for a while because I finally feel as though I've done the year of reflection that I've wanted to do for so long. So here we go...
Never exert yourself. This doesn't mean "don't challenge yourself" or "don't try hard." It simply means, do not push your limits. If you don't feel comfortable doing certain things or being a certain way, stop yourself and make the change you want to see. I'll relate this to a couple of things that I've noticed. Firstly, school wise. Last year, I found that I pushed myself to my limits. I was taking classes that I didn't necessarily enjoy and that were excessively challenging. In my second semester of my first year of college, I took on three psychology classes all at once. They all were required for my major and I needed to get certain grades in order to get the credits. The stress and emotional roller-coaster that I had to endure was ridiculous. I blamed it on myself. I made myself believe that I wasn't smart enough, that I couldn't succeed at such a competitive university. That's where I went wrong. I should've realized that I had been way in over my head and that I really just needed to keep trying in order to find the perfect balance that I was comfortable with. This year, I feel confident in the courses that I'm taking. I am doing a lot better and even if there's a bad grade here and there, at least I am not feeling as though I am not good enough everyday; at least now I am not feeling incapacitated, as though success is something that is a long way away.
Now is the best time, be patient. I realized that there's no use in pushing something if it doesn't go your way. My boyfriend used to tell me, "stop looking at the future, be here, be now." And I never truly understood that until a month ago. There is no use planning for the future. It is okay to hope, and to look forward to things. It is okay to have aspirations. But there is no use trying to manipulate it because like the Joe Strummer once said, "The future is unwritten." There is no use in feeling exasperated over things that can't work out in the moment. The point is to keep trying so that it works out one day. You don't know what will happen. You have no idea what will change. So respect the boundaries around you. Respect that situational factors may prevent you from doing things right away. This should never let you get off track from the things you want. There are always ways to alleviate the feeling of something being impossible. If you can't make an expensive, complex trip happen, buy yourself a ticket, get on a bus, get on a train, and travel somewhere. Get the craving out of your system. Realize that this is the first step towards making something bigger happen.
Don't get caught up in the little things. The easiest way to feel upset, to drive away those you love, to isolate yourself, is by putting too much weight on the things that in the long run really just don't matter. Unfortunately, I learned this in the process of ruining something that meant a lot to me. Look at the big picture. What is it that you want? What is it that is really bothering you? If you can overlook certain things, if you prioritize the things that are actually important instead of letting little things accumulate, then your emotions won't suffer the consequences in doing otherwise. I apply this especially to my friends and family. Remember that everyone around you is also human. People make mistakes. People have certain things going in their own lives, may be experiencing certain things that we have no idea about. It's important to remember who these people are at the core. If you do this, forgiving, even forgetting may be a lot easier than you believe. At the end of the day, you don't want to be alone. You don't want to be caught in your own anger and sadness just because you cannot overlook things that could otherwise be incredibly minor.
Let it all go and readjust. This is the most important lesson of all. If we don't have the capacity for compassion, sympathy and relativity, then we pretty much have nothing. We are social beings and without these, we are on the fastest road towards isolation. There are people in my life today that I could honestly say hurt me in ways unimaginable. I drew a line. There were certain people that I needed to cut out for obvious reasons. But there were other people: the people that I truly cared for. Those people are the ones that regardless of having caused me discomfort, were always there at the end of the day to give as much as I was giving them. I've realized this mostly with my family. I was not born into the most conventional and happy family. But I've never felt so connected to my family. It just took a change in perspective on my part, an adjustment. And as I did this, I felt their changes as well. I now feel more open with them, more loved, and I myself, am more loving. As cliché as it may sound, it is not as important to forget as it is to forgive. The people that hurt us, the way they hurt us, will forever be templates for what we do not want, what we do not deserve. And for that, I do thank them. I only hope that our relationships continue to be the healthy relationships that either side deserves. I hope old patterns never return and that we continue to follow the principles of compassion, sympathy and relativity.
So these are the lessons I've learned this year. It's now November and in just under two months, it will be an entirely new year. We will have to think of our goals for next year. I really don't want to take on too much, I don't want to make a commitment of such an enormity that if not fulfilled will cause upset. I simply want to keep learning next year. I want to end a year and feel as though I moved forward, that I was not stuck or trekking backwards. So I guess that will be my new year's goal: To keep learning.
Never exert yourself. This doesn't mean "don't challenge yourself" or "don't try hard." It simply means, do not push your limits. If you don't feel comfortable doing certain things or being a certain way, stop yourself and make the change you want to see. I'll relate this to a couple of things that I've noticed. Firstly, school wise. Last year, I found that I pushed myself to my limits. I was taking classes that I didn't necessarily enjoy and that were excessively challenging. In my second semester of my first year of college, I took on three psychology classes all at once. They all were required for my major and I needed to get certain grades in order to get the credits. The stress and emotional roller-coaster that I had to endure was ridiculous. I blamed it on myself. I made myself believe that I wasn't smart enough, that I couldn't succeed at such a competitive university. That's where I went wrong. I should've realized that I had been way in over my head and that I really just needed to keep trying in order to find the perfect balance that I was comfortable with. This year, I feel confident in the courses that I'm taking. I am doing a lot better and even if there's a bad grade here and there, at least I am not feeling as though I am not good enough everyday; at least now I am not feeling incapacitated, as though success is something that is a long way away.
Now is the best time, be patient. I realized that there's no use in pushing something if it doesn't go your way. My boyfriend used to tell me, "stop looking at the future, be here, be now." And I never truly understood that until a month ago. There is no use planning for the future. It is okay to hope, and to look forward to things. It is okay to have aspirations. But there is no use trying to manipulate it because like the Joe Strummer once said, "The future is unwritten." There is no use in feeling exasperated over things that can't work out in the moment. The point is to keep trying so that it works out one day. You don't know what will happen. You have no idea what will change. So respect the boundaries around you. Respect that situational factors may prevent you from doing things right away. This should never let you get off track from the things you want. There are always ways to alleviate the feeling of something being impossible. If you can't make an expensive, complex trip happen, buy yourself a ticket, get on a bus, get on a train, and travel somewhere. Get the craving out of your system. Realize that this is the first step towards making something bigger happen.
Don't get caught up in the little things. The easiest way to feel upset, to drive away those you love, to isolate yourself, is by putting too much weight on the things that in the long run really just don't matter. Unfortunately, I learned this in the process of ruining something that meant a lot to me. Look at the big picture. What is it that you want? What is it that is really bothering you? If you can overlook certain things, if you prioritize the things that are actually important instead of letting little things accumulate, then your emotions won't suffer the consequences in doing otherwise. I apply this especially to my friends and family. Remember that everyone around you is also human. People make mistakes. People have certain things going in their own lives, may be experiencing certain things that we have no idea about. It's important to remember who these people are at the core. If you do this, forgiving, even forgetting may be a lot easier than you believe. At the end of the day, you don't want to be alone. You don't want to be caught in your own anger and sadness just because you cannot overlook things that could otherwise be incredibly minor.
Let it all go and readjust. This is the most important lesson of all. If we don't have the capacity for compassion, sympathy and relativity, then we pretty much have nothing. We are social beings and without these, we are on the fastest road towards isolation. There are people in my life today that I could honestly say hurt me in ways unimaginable. I drew a line. There were certain people that I needed to cut out for obvious reasons. But there were other people: the people that I truly cared for. Those people are the ones that regardless of having caused me discomfort, were always there at the end of the day to give as much as I was giving them. I've realized this mostly with my family. I was not born into the most conventional and happy family. But I've never felt so connected to my family. It just took a change in perspective on my part, an adjustment. And as I did this, I felt their changes as well. I now feel more open with them, more loved, and I myself, am more loving. As cliché as it may sound, it is not as important to forget as it is to forgive. The people that hurt us, the way they hurt us, will forever be templates for what we do not want, what we do not deserve. And for that, I do thank them. I only hope that our relationships continue to be the healthy relationships that either side deserves. I hope old patterns never return and that we continue to follow the principles of compassion, sympathy and relativity.
So these are the lessons I've learned this year. It's now November and in just under two months, it will be an entirely new year. We will have to think of our goals for next year. I really don't want to take on too much, I don't want to make a commitment of such an enormity that if not fulfilled will cause upset. I simply want to keep learning next year. I want to end a year and feel as though I moved forward, that I was not stuck or trekking backwards. So I guess that will be my new year's goal: To keep learning.
Oct 26, 2014
Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not envious, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13
Second Tattoo
So I've decided to get my second tattoo. This time, I'm going to get the coordinates of the apartment that I grew up in on 28th street. I'm going to get them on the backside of my left shoulder blade, just north west of where my heart is. It's going to be amazing because this tattoo is going to mean the world to me. Everyone has a place where a bunch of first's happened. For me, 201 E 28th will always be that place.
Oct 21, 2014
Luna
So two days ago, my roommates and I decided to take in a cat that was in desperate need for a home. Essentially, there was a hoarding situation, consisting of around 90 cats and around 20 of them desperately needed a quieter, more civilized homing situation. We now are fostering a small black cat with the most beautiful green eyes. She is incredible and I haven't even gotten to properly meet her yet.
The hard part of taking care of a traumatized cat is that it takes a lot of patience, and a lot of pain in the process. It's not the easiest seeing a little animal afraid. But you just always have to remind yourself that in time, they will become curious and they will want to explore on their own. But I guess cats especially do everything in their own time.
Anyways, we named her Luna Killy.
Her first name is Luna just because we wanted to appropriate her name to the midnight black fur she has. But, we also wanted to attribute her darkness with something light. So, the moon seemed like the best thing to relate her to.
So welcome home, Luna. You haven't seen light. And you're not used to people. Or this new environment. But you have three great people on your side just rooting for you to make it through :)
The hard part of taking care of a traumatized cat is that it takes a lot of patience, and a lot of pain in the process. It's not the easiest seeing a little animal afraid. But you just always have to remind yourself that in time, they will become curious and they will want to explore on their own. But I guess cats especially do everything in their own time.
Anyways, we named her Luna Killy.
Her first name is Luna just because we wanted to appropriate her name to the midnight black fur she has. But, we also wanted to attribute her darkness with something light. So, the moon seemed like the best thing to relate her to.
So welcome home, Luna. You haven't seen light. And you're not used to people. Or this new environment. But you have three great people on your side just rooting for you to make it through :)
Oct 12, 2014
"Sweater Weather" - The Neighbourhood (Max & Alyson Stoner Cover)
Holla at Rishav for showing me this marvel
Oct 3, 2014
Oct 2, 2014
Tori Kelly
Pictures I'm living through for now
Trying to remember all the good times
Our life was cutting through so loud
Memories are playing in my dull mind
I hate this part paper hearts
And I'll hold a piece of yours
Don't think I would just forget about it
Hoping that you won't forget about it
Trying to remember all the good times
Our life was cutting through so loud
Memories are playing in my dull mind
I hate this part paper hearts
And I'll hold a piece of yours
Don't think I would just forget about it
Hoping that you won't forget about it
Sep 29, 2014
Sep 28, 2014
Being by Yourself
So lately, I've been thinking about opening another blog purely about the ways that you can take care of yourself, how you can be happy. It wouldn't be an advice blog, or anything of the sorts. Simply a website that serves as a optimism booster in itself.
The reason why I came up with this idea is because during this last month or so, I've really been trying to take care of myself. I've been watching how I eat more, been trying out new clothes, recorded my first song for my EP, getting used to a new job, concentrating on school and making sure to stay in contact with everyone that I care about. What I've learned is that ultimately your happiness is in your hands. it's really you who has to decide that enough is enough and that it's time to really look out for yourself. It's a really empowering feeling. I'm always going to be able to look back at this period of my life and realize that I did something for myself and that I took care of myself before I reached a true breaking point. 19 is an awkward age because you are just coming out of the pampering years. It's an awkward age because although it may not seem like it, the real world is right around the corner. And we can taste it on the tip of our tongues. We know that a lot of the decisions we are making in these critical years may very well affect our lives for the long run. That's a lot of pressure but it's also ridiculously exhilarating. All I know is that there is no better time than this one to take care of yourself. I will continue to look out for what my body, my mind, my sanity needs. I vouch to commit to myself.
The reason why I came up with this idea is because during this last month or so, I've really been trying to take care of myself. I've been watching how I eat more, been trying out new clothes, recorded my first song for my EP, getting used to a new job, concentrating on school and making sure to stay in contact with everyone that I care about. What I've learned is that ultimately your happiness is in your hands. it's really you who has to decide that enough is enough and that it's time to really look out for yourself. It's a really empowering feeling. I'm always going to be able to look back at this period of my life and realize that I did something for myself and that I took care of myself before I reached a true breaking point. 19 is an awkward age because you are just coming out of the pampering years. It's an awkward age because although it may not seem like it, the real world is right around the corner. And we can taste it on the tip of our tongues. We know that a lot of the decisions we are making in these critical years may very well affect our lives for the long run. That's a lot of pressure but it's also ridiculously exhilarating. All I know is that there is no better time than this one to take care of yourself. I will continue to look out for what my body, my mind, my sanity needs. I vouch to commit to myself.
Sep 22, 2014
Put your energy into the world
Today something really incredible happened. For the last week I've been putting in as much as much trust and good energy into the world. My theory was that if I could manage to send all that energy out then maybe it would come back in another way. And it did. I feel happy. At peace with myself. It's a powerful feeling knowing that I did something for myself.
Sep 21, 2014
Rest In Peace
So something pretty fucked up happened two days ago to a kid from my high school. I didn't know him. I only knew of him. All I know is that right now it really seems as though the world is a fucked up and dark place. Watching a friend tear herself up about it was difficult just because there's nothing you can say to make it better. These kind of things happen every day and it's hard to realize that this will become a dynamic...people will leave us and we will have to force ourselves to move on. So I got to thinking. How do you move on with your life if that person IS part of it? What if that person is your life? Serious prayers go out to all the people that have to cope with someone leaving their life. You all have some serious strength.
Sep 20, 2014
Montreal So Far
- Bike Rides
- Soccer Games
- Old Port
- Wine Bars
- Polaroids
- Music
- Dancing
- Trip Planning
- Late night talks
- Balconies
- Fountains
- Walks
This year so far...I love it.
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 14, 2014
Sep 8, 2014
Love for UNIS
A lot of people keep asking me, "How do you hang out with the people from your high school in college?" It's pretty simple. My high school was special and some people just don't appreciate their high schools as much as I did. On top of that, I'm getting to know people. I didn't know many of them before. It's a good feeling knowing that these people have the same-ish background as me. We all have the same values, principles and open-mindedness. That's enough for me to respect them and want to be around them. So, next time you ask one of us that, try to keep in mind that many of us didn't know each other before. If you vibe with someone, you just do and there is really nothing else to it. There's no other way to explain it but I'll make it brief: Because of them, I will always have a little piece of home with me.
Aug 21, 2014
It's All Good
I guess it's about being completely vulnerable. And being okay with it. And knowing that because of this vulnerability, there will be a lot of pit falls and lots of failed-to-be-met expectations. You just need to know that it's worth it in the end. You just need to know that those expectations are nothing but that--expectations. You should never be led by high expectations because the problem is that when they are not met, they crush you. And I now know that that was my problem. And I'm okay with that. I guess it's hard to admit that you never really stop learning. It's a never-ending process and there's no way to really know if you've ever progressed or reached the end of something. It's impossible to know what the best of the best is. And that's when everything goes to shit. That's when you can't stop thinking about how it could be better...can't ever stop wishing for what you can't have at the moment. And then the impatience gets overwhelming...and at some point nothing is really good enough for you anymore. And this is all just because the expectations have not been met. Now, I'll look back and know that I did the best that I could've done and if I had to go back and change something, I wouldn't at all. Because if I am always thinking about how I can change something, then it will never do that exactly: change. So I guess I am admitting that I fucked up a beautiful thing...something that could've blossomed into something amazing in the right time. And I'm finally okay with that. I'm okay with the fact that no matter how hard I tried, maybe it just wasn't enough in the moment. But one day it will be. And I hope for the best. I hope with all my heart that I've learned.
Aug 19, 2014
Aug 18, 2014
Tove Lo - Stay High (Habits Remix) ft. Hippie Sabotage
Stay high all the time to keep you off my mind
Aug 13, 2014
So recently I've really been thinking about what I want to make out of these next three years academically. The good news is that I've finally decided on a career that I truly look forward to. Initially, I thought I would be going down the traditional path of a psycholology major, open up my own practice and provide therapy. But lately, I was listening to someone talk about how their psychologist had completely ruined their day...had made them feel insufficient. I thought about and I realized that I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to be the person who could make another person feel small. And although I know that I will always mean well, I know that it can be easy to judge. So, I've decided on taking on Life Coaching. Too excited for this. :)
Aug 12, 2014
Aug 7, 2014
Hm. I'm going to write about this again in my blog just because I've become frustrated with it lately. People should really stop tearing others down without knowing what is going on in their lives. You cannot formulate an opinion on something if you really don't know all the factors to it. It really pains me to see (and experience) someone being bold enough to say or do something without knowing how it will affect the other person. It's really stupid and naïve.
Rant over !
Rant over !
Jul 28, 2014
Matteo Cangiano
I really do love you. And if there is one thing I've learned from you is that there is more than one way to love someone. There's a caring way. There's a passionate way. And most of all, there is a friendly way. You are my best friend and if I've learned anything in the past couple years, it's that the key to everything is trust and patience. We're still here today because in moments where we knew we could be rash, we took a step back and looked at the bigger picture. I could only do that with someone who really understands who I am. I'm just glad that it's you who's taken the time to get to know me and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Jul 18, 2014
Dorm Life
So one of the things that I think I really underestimated about freshman year was how much I would love being in a dorm. I am really going to miss being able to just go up or down a few floors to see friends. The convenience completely changes everything. I think I'm really going to miss leaving my door slightly open, just enough for people to pop in every once in a while to say hi and hang out for a bit. There's something so intimate about being in a dorm because everyone is so close. Just really going to have nostalgia for the rest of my life about my freshman dorm experience. :)
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 8, 2014
Raleigh Ritchie - Bloodsport
Although you love me, sometimes we meet
Things can get ugly but we're still a team
We are an army, the brakes are within
But that's why we're stronger and that's how we'll win
Jun 27, 2014
"I don't want to live anymore"
https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/photos/a.102107073196735.4429.102099916530784/700537060020397/?type=1&theater
Honestly the most impacting photo and caption that I've ever seen on HONY's page.
I shared the photo to my facebook and added the following quote:
"Be kind to everyone you meet because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about."
And I'm serious. I've followed this all my life because my mom used to tell me this when I was very young. It's never okay to bully someone. It's never okay to make them feel like hell. You never know if YOU'LL be the reason to tip someone over the edge. Everyone has things going on. Everyone has a story and a past. And I think that it's really important to understand that even if you believe you're in the right, you don't know anyone's full story.
I was reading the comments and one of them was particularly important.
Mark O'Reily: There's one thing depressed people despise more than their depression itself; the patronizing advice of people who have no idea how or why they feel the way they do.
The truth is nobody really understands what another person is going through. It is impossible to understand. Depression and sadness are not just things that you can only explain aloud. These things are felt inside. They have biological side effects and only the person who is experiencing it can really and completely understand what they are going through.
So next time you feel as though you'd like to judge someone, or hate on them, or say something disrespectful...just take a second and think about what you're going through in your life. I bet the other person is going through something as well.
Honestly the most impacting photo and caption that I've ever seen on HONY's page.
I shared the photo to my facebook and added the following quote:
"Be kind to everyone you meet because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about."
And I'm serious. I've followed this all my life because my mom used to tell me this when I was very young. It's never okay to bully someone. It's never okay to make them feel like hell. You never know if YOU'LL be the reason to tip someone over the edge. Everyone has things going on. Everyone has a story and a past. And I think that it's really important to understand that even if you believe you're in the right, you don't know anyone's full story.
I was reading the comments and one of them was particularly important.
Mark O'Reily: There's one thing depressed people despise more than their depression itself; the patronizing advice of people who have no idea how or why they feel the way they do.
The truth is nobody really understands what another person is going through. It is impossible to understand. Depression and sadness are not just things that you can only explain aloud. These things are felt inside. They have biological side effects and only the person who is experiencing it can really and completely understand what they are going through.
So next time you feel as though you'd like to judge someone, or hate on them, or say something disrespectful...just take a second and think about what you're going through in your life. I bet the other person is going through something as well.
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 17, 2014
Montreal
So, I've been thinking a lot about Montreal and how much I miss it. One of the weirdest things I had to accept this year is that I don't exactly plan on making New York City my home for the rest of my life. Up until this year, I thought that New York City was the only place that I could envision myself in. But realistically, until I hit an appropriate financial status and age, I really can't enjoy NYC to its full capacity. What I really love about Montreal is the fact that I can enjoy music, nightlife and culture. And the greatest part is that in Montreal, I don't exactly feel like the "kid" that I do here. In general, there is a wider acceptance and open-mindedness about the maturity of adolescents in Montreal.
I realized that music is a big factor for me. I need a place that keeps me up to date with the music nowadays while also enlightening me about all the underground music. I also realized that even though Montreal is also a city, it still has a feel of community. I think that is really important especially for a college student who is trying to adapt to an entirely different scene. I went to this thing called "Igloo Fest" in the early months of this year and I was actually shocked at how well developed the show was. It was basically outdoor concerts in the middle of winter. So many people were there. All there for the music. All there regardless of the cold. It's really incredible how Montreal makes use of its city and I look forward to going back.
I realized that music is a big factor for me. I need a place that keeps me up to date with the music nowadays while also enlightening me about all the underground music. I also realized that even though Montreal is also a city, it still has a feel of community. I think that is really important especially for a college student who is trying to adapt to an entirely different scene. I went to this thing called "Igloo Fest" in the early months of this year and I was actually shocked at how well developed the show was. It was basically outdoor concerts in the middle of winter. So many people were there. All there for the music. All there regardless of the cold. It's really incredible how Montreal makes use of its city and I look forward to going back.
Jun 16, 2014
Jun 15, 2014
"Look for a girl with the sun in her eyes"
This quote means so much to me and here I'll explain why. I think that above all, the best thing you can do for yourself is surround yourself by positive attitudes. Sometimes it is the easiest thing to become a pushover and sacrifice your own will for positivity in order to accommodate anything less. But before finding this positivity around you, it's important to demand happiness for yourself. And I think that is what this quote is about; it's important to look and strive towards the happiest and healthiest version of yourself. To push that aside isn't really selfless at all... it's actually the most unhealthy thing to do not only for yourself but for those around you.
Jun 11, 2014
Major Lazer - Get Free ft. Amber of the Dirty Projectors
Obsessed with the video
So refreshingly different
Jun 4, 2014
May 31, 2014
May 19, 2014
Changes
So this is going to be a more personal post. I'm back home and it's different this time because now I'm here for four months. It's kind of weird coming back. Good weird, though. It's nice being back in my own element but the changes that have occurred are all so drastic. There are so many things that I've realized just by being here for the past two weeks. But honestly, the most important thing that I've realized is how much I've changed. My priorities...my mind set...where I picture myself going. I think that the main differences in my life right now are the relationships that I have with the people around me. After being gone for so long, you really start to realize who is important to you and who isn't. And vice versa...people you once thought you were important to...that can change too. And I definitely feel those changes in my relationship, in my friendships and with my family members.
So starting with my relationship. Some people think that long distance is the worst thing that could happen to a couple. And in some ways, I think I'd agree. But I do attribute everything that I feel confident about in my relationship to the past 8 months. When you're so distant from a person, the way you speak to them, the way you care about them and the way you carry yourself all change. Long distance means training yourself not to miss someone as much, knowing when to pick up the phone and clarify something that could otherwise be misinterpreted through messages, and above all; learning how to be on your own. When you come back to reality after working on a relationship so hard for 8 months, it's hard for those things not to stick. And that can be bad sometimes, but otherwise I'd say it's been pretty good.
Friendships. I think that the key to long lasting friendships is really trying to understanding what the other person's priorities are and respecting them. Things change over 8 months and friendships grow but individuals also grow outside of them. I still consider myself close to many people back home. But the few that I actually consider are in my circle of confidants are the ones that I've made an effort with. What I mean by making an effort is really getting to know their new circles, and getting to know what their new life is all about.
Family Members. This was the hardest change of them all. Anyone who is close to me knows that everything in my world at home has altered. The best way to cope with those changes is to just pay attention to the great things that come from those changes. And to be happy about them. I believe that I've crossed the part of adolescence where your parents stop being your parents and you realize that they are actually human beings too. They make mistakes, they have pasts and they are wise. And although sometimes it's easy for me to be caught up in making my friends my family as I have always done, it's also important to remember that my family has been with me through it all.
So, this year has definitely been a year of changes. But I'm trying to look positively at them all. It's amazing to see how much other people change too and it's also so relieving being able to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Yes, we all may have our pasts. But if I changed this much in 8 months, then why shouldn't others too?
Ultimately, if I were told to depict what I envision this summer to be, I would say that I am just looking forward to getting to know everyone all over again. And that is the most amazing way to spend a summer, if you ask me.
May 10, 2014
May 5, 2014
Apr 30, 2014
End of First Year
So today I'm staying at my friend's apartment because I'm officially out of rez and my first year is over. It actually feels like I'm in a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode and it's kinda cool. We just ordered pizza, drank, hung out and just did nothing and it was actually everything that I had in mind for my exit from my first year at McGill. I think that the most important thing that I've learned from this year is that your support system is everything. Without a good support system, it's very hard to get through the new and hard things that come with progression. Canada is pretty different from back home. Everyone is kicked out of dorms after first year and you're forced to have the responsibility of your own apartment. It's pretty scary but it's also pretty amazing because although the responsibility seems freeing, you also have to understand that a certain seriousness in your character must come along with it. Anyways, the next year is going to be a giant change and it might be shocking but as long as my support system here is reliable then I think I can get through it.
So this is one of those thank you posts...
So this is one of those thank you posts...
- Dyana Saiful
- Naomi Gutenburg
- Justin Scharf
- Shaad Khan
- Natalia Ramirez
- Rishav DevShah
You guys were amazing. Thank you so much. I love you guys.
Apr 26, 2014
Dear Ruby,
I've been thinking about the future. Been thinking about the city and the streets and the people and the pure anonymity that there is there. I used to love it and now it seems like one of the most intimidating places on earth. Sometimes I think about houses in the suburbs and white picket fences and bike riding and the smell of fresh fields. I want to have a house there one day and I want to sit in quiet and in peace without a care for any of the bad shit in the world. I want my guitar and my notepad by my side; I want to just write and write for four months straight. I don't want to have to care for the busy-ness around me. I want to work at a small cafe and say hi to all the people that walk past me. For the first time in my life, I want something more. I want a change, a big one. I want something so powerfully happy that it takes over everything and makes up for all the bad that have come my way. I'm so scared. I'm meeting someone soon you know? He's going to be the best thing that has happened to me in 18 years. I never believed in God but I guess it's only appropriate to say that he's probably God's sent gift to me. I have all these overwhelming feelings inside of me and I think that if I displace all the positive ones onto him, I could honestly make that giant change in my life that I've been waiting for. All I know is that nobody seems to understanding why he is so important to me...how this might change me. I want to meet him just because he is the only person in my life who will know me for who I want to be and not for who I am or who the people around me are.
I don't really know where you've been but I do know I miss you. I wish I could pick up the phone and call you but I don't think I'd have the right words to say. I'm happy, really. I just want to be happy in my own way now. I don't want to live at the expense of myself.
I hope you're well.
I love you.
Miss you.
Pao
I don't really know where you've been but I do know I miss you. I wish I could pick up the phone and call you but I don't think I'd have the right words to say. I'm happy, really. I just want to be happy in my own way now. I don't want to live at the expense of myself.
I hope you're well.
I love you.
Miss you.
Pao
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 18, 2014
Apr 17, 2014
Apr 15, 2014
Apr 9, 2014
Apr 6, 2014
Apr 5, 2014
Apr 2, 2014
Mar 30, 2014
Dyana
So, here's to another three years with her cause I really couldn't ask for a better friend. :)
Mar 23, 2014
That dependence has disappeared
And I used to be upset by it
But now I'm not anymore
It's so freeing
And maybe the whole time the problem was me
Maybe I just held onto certain things too much
Or maybe I just held certain things too highly
All I know is that the dependence is gone
At the end of the day I have to get through these things
With or Without
And I used to be upset by it
But now I'm not anymore
It's so freeing
And maybe the whole time the problem was me
Maybe I just held onto certain things too much
Or maybe I just held certain things too highly
All I know is that the dependence is gone
At the end of the day I have to get through these things
With or Without
Mar 16, 2014
Mar 15, 2014
Heavy Weight
I was talking to this friend this one time. I asked her how she felt when this one person left her life. Her answer was so impacting, "You know, I just walked around with this really heavy weight in my heart for the longest time."
Mar 12, 2014
Non-Traditional
So sometimes I wonder if I should be doing more with this blog; should I be writing as much as I used to? Should this be your traditional long-posted opinionated blog? Then I recall those few days in the past where I looked through it and found it interesting to see how I expressed how I was feeling in those particular moments. Many times, I've thought about opening up a diary. It wasn't up until today that I realized that this is sort of like my diary...in moderation of course! And I love being able to come to this and write whatever is on my mind or post about whatever I find interesting in the moment. It's also nice to know that I've stayed consistent with it over all these years. A lot of people don't really understand the relief of just writing. But this blog is the one thing that I don't really look back on or regret. And that's the power of writing. I just write and write and write about whatever because it is therapeutic in itself. Sometimes I think about how much I used to write before--whether it was poetry or just giant notes with all my thoughts scrambled on every corner of the page. And yes, at times I miss all the inspiration and motivation that I had to put pen and poetic thoughts onto a piece of paper. But I guess that I've channeled that passion into other things that I do. Taking up psychology has been a great way for me to rearrange and understand my thoughts. Writing songs, even if I don't particularly look back on them, is my way of spilling my vulnerable side. And this blog, no matter how unorganized and random it may seem has kept my creative side alive. I hope I keep it for a long time because it sure will be interesting to look back on it in say 10 years and read all about my years in high school and college. These years are full of firsts, ends, experiences, heart-aches...I'd like to remember all of that no matter how many wounds they may open in the future. I'd like to keep this young and untouched side of myself alive. And who knows, maybe one day, when I've felt like I've lost a part of myself, I'll be able to look back on this and remember. So yeah, I might've started this post talking about whether I should be doing more with this blog. Maybe right now I may not be doing much...but with time, I feel like that opinion will change.
Reposting HONY because scabs are wounds that still haven't healed...
"If you could give one piece of advice to a large group of people, what would it be?"
"Don't pick at scabs."
"What scab have you picked at the most?"
"Stephanie."
"Don't pick at scabs."
"What scab have you picked at the most?"
"Stephanie."
Mar 10, 2014
Try Again
And I could try again and again. I don't think I'll ever get tired of trying. Because this is for me. At the end of the day, If i look back and know that I didn't try hard enough for this then I will regret it. So I don't think I'll be able to go back anytime soon. I need to learn to adjust here. It was hard to admit to myself that it was time to give everything up. I think it's even harder to admit to yourself that even though every bone in your body is telling you to do that, it's really not the option you should be taking. I just gotta keep trying. And one day, it will all get better. :)
Mar 8, 2014
Going Back to MTL Tomorrow :)
"Somebody told me that this is the place where everything's better and everything's safe."
Mar 6, 2014
Happy
I'm happy
Like really happy
Because for the first time
I feel so free
I feel like I have the control over my complicated situations
I feel like I have so many options available
There are a handful of new things left to enjoy
I want to keep breathing like this
I want to keep being engulfed in all this energy
And it's been a while since I've felt
Like I can be okay being by myself
And I can hear my thoughts again
This past week and a half has been so revealing
I can do this
Maybe I can get through anything, really
It's okay to let go of some things
Just to make space for others
It's okay to give time to choices
To gain a clear mind
But most of all
I feel so grateful that I'm meeting you soon
Because you don't know it yet,
But you've restored my faith is so many things
Protection
Love
Care
All those simple things
I'm just so happy
Really
Happy
Arrow
Started watching this new show called Arrow. It's based around the character Greek Arrow. However, the show takes an interesting perspective. It revolves completely around justice. It's not about protecting one particular person or one particular thing as many comics do. It is about un-bias justice and that is actually really refreshing in a superhero show. I love it!
Feb 27, 2014
James Arthur - Get Down (Smooth Remix)
"No matter how much how much colder,
Or how much I carry on my shoulders...
As long as I'm standing, I'll be closer
Cause it ain't over, till its over
But we don't get down
No we don't get down
We can turn this 'round"
Feb 26, 2014
Had to make a soundcloud as a portfolio to send to a producer but give it a listen!
https://soundcloud.com/paolaagarces
ChillStep
So lately I've kind of been avoiding going to sleep. I can't help it, I just wake up late and then by the time it's four o'clockin the morning, I'm still not sleepy. So, the other night I asked Rishav to help me with this cause he also has this problem. And, he showed me the coolest playlist ever. It's actually put me down like a baby for the past two nights and I'm so appreciative of it. I can finally sleep and wake up early and get my work done! Progress...
Feb 25, 2014
Gaby Busque
You made my fucking night. You are actually the most supportive person ever and I know that I've had my skeptical moments about how much time it takes to actually get to know a person. But I will say right now that you are a kind person and that you are the greatest friend anyone could ask for. Thank you for being so supportive and for being there for me. Love you!
The Risk Isn't Worth It
"Even now when you know how to measure up the risk, you're still not tired of this."
"El no siempre esta ahi, lo que tu buscas es el si"
I think this saying will always get me through the day. I've posted it in this blog before. It means "the no is always there, what you're looking for is that yes." Anya's dad told us this a long time ago and I think it's some of the wisest words that I've ever heard.
Feb 24, 2014
The Best Night I've Had in A Long Time
So two nights ago, 8 of us spent the night at Natalia's grandparents' apartment just 25 minutes outside of Montreal. It was in the middle of nowhere: Nuns Island. And it was actually perfect. It was a huge apartment, big enough for all of us to be perfectly comfortable. It had a huge balcony and a giant octagon pool. And, I couldn't have asked for a better night. I guess I needed it because I've been struggling for a while. It's good to admit that to yourself, I've found. It's okay to know when you're just not doing so well. It seems like all the odds are against me right now and it's really difficult to see past this bad period at times. But I guess I'm surrounded by a lot of people that have had to get past a million obstacles and that's enough motivation! So yeah, this night was amazing for me simply because it took my mind off everything that I've had to deal with lately. And it showed me that it is possible to see past all the bad stuff. It doesn't have to swallow you whole and it certainly doesn't have to consume you. So I guess, thank you Natalia. You made this weekend live-able.
Feb 20, 2014
Feb 15, 2014
Competition
So one of the ugliest thing that someone can have as a personality trait is competitiveness. Don't get me wrong, I think that a certain degree of competition is great especially if it keeps you motivated and inspired. However, when it starts to become something that is engraved in your personality, something that you can't separate yourself from, and something that interferes with most aspects of your world, that is when I find it to be incredibly ugly. I think that competition can turn a person that is admirable into one that is entirely detestable. You see, competition is all about the ego. When a person cannot place their ego aside, and must always satisfy its needs, that is when it truly becomes a disease. If it weren't for the competition at McGill, then I don't think that I would stay motivated to do better every day. However, lately it has become something that I can't entirely understand. I was reading the other day that to maintain a stable relationship (platonic as well), positive competition is healthy. I completely agree with that. My best friends and I are always keeping each other in check, looking to out-do ourselves. My boyfriend and I have discrete goals that we're always striving towards. And I appreciate these aspects of my life every day. I think that it is completely worth it to have a little competition if it means creating a better and healthier life for not only yourself but for those around you as well. But competition is ugly when taken out of hand. I hope that I never become a person that is driven by it. I hope to be motivated by it. I hope to never become dependent on it...that it never becomes the upper hand.
Feb 12, 2014
Sometimes I think it's good to admit to yourself that to be truly happy it can't just be all about one thing. I think that I've started to realize that happiness for me is more about the comfort that I find in people. And I really miss feeling like I truly know some people. I think that's what I miss about the city all the time and I think it's what I may be missing here. But hey, it's only been like 5 and a half months.
Feb 7, 2014
Feb 5, 2014
Feb 4, 2014
Next Year
The lease for our apartment is officially completed! That's amazing. It's a great feeling. Turns out that a handful of my friends here, Ben, Justin, Naomi, Mike, and Sasha are all probably going to be living in the same building so that's going to be really convenient. I'm actually too excited for next year.
Jan 27, 2014
Jan 26, 2014
Puerto Rico in Four Days
And I just really need this. I want to be on an island without real connection to the outside world and just have me time. So much to think about and all I can say is that I just really need this trip now.
Jan 21, 2014
Jan 20, 2014
Jan 18, 2014
Tattoo Idea
So, I doubt I'll actually ever get a second tattoo. But if I had to, it'd have something to do with relying on yourself. One of the things that I had to learn the hard way as of recently is that sometimes the people you most count on and the people you most cherish can't always be there in the way you'd like them to be. Maybe it's not so much about them letting you down but more about you, yourself, having too high of expectations. I've learned that sometimes a true sacrifice is to lower expectations. That may sound horrible but compromise is all about that. Relationships…all kinds of relationships…are about compromise and about settling. Sometimes, when you allow yourself to have high expectations, those expectations are actually met. But what I've realized is for me to actually be strong and happy, I have to lower expectations to truly move on.
So one day, if I feel as though I actually have the courage to get a second tattoo, I think that it would revolve around relying on yourself because that's all I gotta do to make it through.
So one day, if I feel as though I actually have the courage to get a second tattoo, I think that it would revolve around relying on yourself because that's all I gotta do to make it through.
Dear Someone,
Yesterday I was watching this video with my friend and it was essentially about these artists who draw on the grounds of streets. The drawings are optical illusions, meant to look 3D but they aren't. As we were watching it, both of us were mesmerized in the same way; what are we doing here watching this when we could be doing this? I don't mean literally…but more in the sense of like, when will we actually be given the chance to do something great? Lately, academics and responsibilities are all that has been on my mind. Don't get me wrong, I love this new stage in my life. Yet, sometimes I can't help but feel as though sometimes they are actually an obstacle. See, academia actually sets goals for you. You study for four years and you reach the goal of getting your Bachelors. And that's that. But what goals do we have for ourselves? And when will we actually have the time to reach those goals to the fullest potential? When will I stop being a part time student, part time dream reacher? When will I start concentrating on my dreams entirely?
Jan 16, 2014
To the next four months
"These next four months are going to be amazing and just wait and see when we come back in may we'll be stronger than ever."
Jan 14, 2014
"So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it. With all your heart."
Been writing been writing been writing!
So, I watch this show called One Tree Hill. And every year I make it a habit to at least watch some episodes of it just because I actually really believe its an inspiring show. Anyways, one of the main bases of the show is music. I have no idea why they chose this theme but every single episode is named after some kind of album, song, or lyric. The producers and directors must be music freaks or something. In the show, there is literally a music record label. It was actually my inspiration once for wanting to open up my own label one day. At some point or another, we see each character take some kind of music route. One Tree Hill was my main source of fire--or drive-- for starting up music again last semester just because it was nice to actually listen to so many genres of music. The show is known for taking low-key artists and blowing them up into huge things such as Gavin DeGraw, Jana Kramer, Kate Vogele, and Bethany Joy-Lenz. This is the show that made me discover my now favorite band: City and Color. But one of the great things about One Tree Hill is that it shows the artists before they were famous; we get to see the rawest of rawest songs that they sing.
So yeah, whatever my songs become…whatever my album turns out to be…I have all those artists that chose to give One Tree Hill a chance and put their music on the show to thank. If it weren't for those artists, I probably wouldn't have the inspiration that I have today.
Jan 10, 2014
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)