Dear Ruby,

I've been thinking about the future. Been thinking about the city and the streets and the people and the pure anonymity that there is there. I used to love it and now it seems like one of the most intimidating places on earth. Sometimes I think about houses in the suburbs and white picket fences and bike riding and the smell of fresh fields. I want to have a house there one day and I want to sit in quiet and in peace without a care for any of the bad shit in the world. I want my guitar and my notepad by my side; I want to just write and write for four months straight. I don't want to have to care for the busy-ness around me. I want to work at a small cafe and say hi to all the people that walk past me. For the first time in my life, I want something more. I want a change, a big one. I want something so powerfully happy that it takes over everything and makes up for all the bad that have come my way. I'm so scared. I'm meeting someone soon you know? He's going to be the best thing that has happened to me in 18 years. I never believed in God but I guess it's only appropriate to say that he's probably God's sent gift to me. I have all these overwhelming feelings inside of me and I think that if I displace all the positive ones onto him, I could honestly make that giant change in my life that I've been waiting for. All I know is that nobody seems to understanding why he is so important to me...how this might change me. I want to meet him just because he is the only person in my life who will know me for who I want to be and not for who I am or who the people around me are.

I don't really know where you've been but I do know I miss you. I wish I could pick up the phone and call you but I don't think I'd have the right words to say. I'm happy, really. I just want to be happy in my own way now. I don't want to live at the expense of myself.

I hope you're well.
I love you.
Miss you.

Pao