It's All Good

I guess it's about being completely vulnerable. And being okay with it. And knowing that because of this vulnerability, there will be a lot of pit falls and lots of failed-to-be-met expectations. You just need to know that it's worth it in the end. You just need to know that those expectations are nothing but that--expectations. You should never be led by high expectations because the problem is that when they are not met, they crush you. And I now know that that was my problem. And I'm okay with that. I guess it's hard to admit that you never really stop learning. It's a never-ending process and there's no way to really know if you've ever progressed or reached the end of something. It's impossible to know what the best of the best is. And that's when everything goes to shit. That's when you can't stop thinking about how it could be better...can't ever stop wishing for what you can't have at the moment. And then the impatience gets overwhelming...and at some point nothing is really good enough for you anymore. And this is all just because the expectations have not been met. Now, I'll look back and know that I did the best that I could've done and if I had to go back and change something, I wouldn't at all. Because if I am always thinking about how I can change something, then it will never do that exactly: change. So I guess I am admitting that I fucked up a beautiful thing...something that could've blossomed into something amazing in the right time. And I'm finally okay with that. I'm okay with the fact that no matter how hard I tried, maybe it just wasn't enough in the moment. But one day it will be. And I hope for the best. I hope with all my heart that I've learned.