Peyton Sawyer:

Dear Molly, this is gonna sound a little strange, but I'd like you to paint over my old closet door. The thing is, there is never a time when you'll be more honest, when your convictions will be stronger or your motives will be more pure than they are right now. Which means you should chase whatever it is that excites you. Be confident and take risks. And paint over my words so you can start writing your own. My story might have inspired you, but I'm certain your story will inspire the next girl to live in our room. I want you to know you don't need somebody to write about yoi in order for your life to mean something. You can write about yourself. Make your own destiny. Then, years from now, the next girl will keep what you write on that door long enough to remind you of how inspired your life is. And you can tell that girl to paint over the door, because you realize the words you wrote, the friends you had, the urgency you felt will always be there underneath the paint. The love you professed will always be there, the spark of something undeniable, a seed of hope, the truth, for better or for worse, burning fiercely, just below the surface. Love, Peyton.

I am so exhausted from just sitting down and doing nothing.
Been researching internships for like 2 hours.
Been researching for like six months.
I just want a job already.

I love them.

Penumbra

I

And the scratches tint your palms
The blisters scrape your knuckles
Covered in the agony
of the labor
Your internals are tainted with gold
But you shine of bronze
To the world, the metals conflate
And you slightly glisten with a shade of brass
They say: "You're doomed to be a mere shadow"
"Of what?" you ask them
Of the sun.

II

You are a palimpsest
Unable to decide, rewritten over and over again
Broken and renewed
Holding onto the belief that
--you're the penny
That in time, heated by the warmth above
You will turn from bronze to silver
To gold

III

And the dulcet taste of hope shrivels
away until the sun bows down
furtively and slowly
until you can no longer see
from the hole
decorated with the headstone that's
engraved with the shadow of
your initials.

IV

Silver or Lead
Bribes or death,
But you know that treachery may pull you back into the cave
So you choose death,
because your knuckles had already been
dripping with the blood of disbelief since
the departure of the womb.

The dream

My dream would be to open up my own music production company.
The home location would probably be located somewhere near Soho, in New York City.
The venue would be indescribably huge. Labeled in huge red letters:
TheRedSkyProductions. 
I'd have such a big company and so many people working for me.
I'd have a lot of free time and in that free time,
I'd spend it in a private studio;
Recording.
As if music was my own language.

Benighted

The abnormal?

We spit at and judge as a dunce

We treat him like clay,

Trying to shape him

But he hardens when meeting with the air

And we can no longer mold him

So we throw him

We crack him

And he finds his shards

And rebuilds them

Alone.

The abnormal?

We throw darts at

But—

We are the aliens

For we wake up

And salute

And go to bed after prayers

We wake up

And salute

And go to bed after prayers

We wake up

And salute..

And go to…

And so we are the dunces

Jaded—

Frozen with envy in our palms. 

It's burning
right in the core of your very stomach-

Inspiration.
And then the sky turned red.

Thanksgiving

Thanks to my parents whom have been the main influences in my life and have shaped me into who I am today. Maybe you guys aren't always perfect to other people but it's okay because I know I sure as hell am not. So to me, you guys are perfect. I know I'm miles away from you, Papa. But I know that you make a difference in me no matter how far away you are. To my mom, whom I'm always fighting with, I'm glad we went through this rough patch because I wouldn't be as grateful as I am right now for you. Both of you have sparked creativity in me and have always supported me in everything I've done.

To my best friends: the three of you know who you are...thank you for being there, that's all. Through the changes I went through...you're still here now and that's all that matters. Thank you for getting over all my mistakes towards you and for loving me nevertheless. Whatever we go through, I'll always come back to you three and I'll always be there for you.

To my girls: Frifri, Z, Meatball, Gueyeway, Cat, Vale, Anj, Diji, Clurr...I know I've only actually gotten to know you or grown a bit closer to some of you this year but I don't really care. I might be a bit closer to some of you than others but the eight of you are very important to me because I can honestly just be myself around you. It's nice to be around people whom I can trust and at the same time have the most fun I've ever had in my life, just laughing. No complications. It's amazing. Thank you for the laughter and for putting up with me.

To Joe and Marco whom I've known since I was 5-6 years old...I don't know how I'm still seeing you each day and everything is still so perfect and normal. Maybe at some points we drift but I can honestly say you guys are the only people I can look back at and truly reminisce. I love that feeling, knowing that I'm not a person that is completely unstable when it comes to friendships...switching every day. I have two stable friends that I've had for over 10 years and that's amazing.

And to you, you're miles away from me right now. Maybe we've grown a bit distant but I'm seeing you in four months and I'm so so so so sure that it'll all be back to normal. I miss you so much and you know that. No matter how cold I may act sometimes or how stupid, I love you so much and whenever I look back at us, I have the biggest smile on my face. Thank you.

How people can do this, I will never understand, just inhuman

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/occupy-wall-street-finally-gets-face-bloody-153643148.html?bouchon=501,ny

Ellie Goulding 'Human"

Tired

I guess you could say I'm tired of the past hanging over me all the time
I'm sick of how you treat me
And how you think you can get away with it
I'm tired of thinking of all the possible ways I could confront you about it
But I've been there
and done that and I can tell you right now,
that's tiring too.

Excuses are bullshit

What is right and what's wrong?

Academics

I really am not an academic person. In fact, I'm not one at all. I love learning and I love getting great grades but I honestly don't like the work, I don't like having to memorize things etc. I am just not interested in sitting down every day and burying my face in books for about 3/4 the approximate 15 hours that I'm awake. Some people enjoy this. School work aids their self esteem and makes them feel entirely accomplished. That is just not me. When I get home the first thing I do is turn on music and draw or just read. By read, I mean I whip out my kindle and straight up read. My accomplishment is doing the kind of things I love. I've had to drop these kinds of things such as piano and dance all because the stress of school and other academic duties have made me so physically and mentally exhausted, that I don't even have time for my own hobbies. 

I don't think schools realize that the more homework and pressure they place on us, a decrease in our interest for education will occur. There has to be a balance. All kids love getting good grades and gaining knowledge about the world. We like to go out there and be able to have a nice conversation with adults or foreigners etc. and actually sound like we know a little something. So, us wanting to get education is not the issue. It's the fact that we all seek happiness and we're not getting it. And this stress and pressure does not let us reach that happiness. So what's the point in us working our asses off and carrying this burden called "school" every single day? We basically get nothing that actually aids us as humans. We simply move on to college and do this entire routine all over again for about 4, 5, 6, sometimes 10 years. 

Realistically wise...in the end, we'll realize that because the economy is so bad nowadays, this entire hassle was really not worth anything at all. 

Frankie J "Obsession (No Es Amor)" [Spanish Version]

"You can't actually cut a tree if the roots are still there."

Are you more like your mom or you dad? Why?

I guess I could say that I'm a bit of a mix.
I have my dad's laid back side...maybe a bit lazy but hard working when we have a set goal. This has gotten me far with the things I've been aiming at.
However, when someone angers me or tries to mess with my family, my friends or me, I can be really fierce. That, I get from my mom. She stands up for what she believes in and she defends herself until the end.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS

CLUB MADE
I am so happy.

Josh Canova - The Wish

"There's nothing worse than not being good enough at something that you love so much."

Essay for Español :)

Como e Cambiado Desde Que se Tomo Esta Foto…

Han pasado cuatro años desde esta foto y igualmente de mucho he cambiado. La independencia es una cosa que todos los niños de mi edad esta tratando te buscar. Creemos que la independencia pasa cuando nos separamos un poco de los padres. Por ejemplo, tomando el bus sola a la escuela por la primera ves o saliendo a ver una película con los amigos. Pero, para mi, la independencia no es eso. Desde esta foto, yo e aprendido que es mucho más—es salir con precoz, tener responsabilidades, comer bien e hacer ejercicio para mantener la salud, querer los padres y lo mas importante, tratar de ser única para no mezclarse todo el tiempo con la multitud para quererse a uno mismo.

Lo mas difícil cuando uno tiene trece o catorce años es que la gente no lo acepte a uno. Mi problema a esa edad es que creía que me tenia que cambiar a mi misma para hacer amigas, o ser feliz. Las tres niñas en esta foto, en una forma o en otra, me hicieron sentir que yo no era suficiente sin ellas y que nunca podria hechar para adelante sin sus aprobaciones. Fue por eso que yo, lentamente, perdí mi sentido de individualidad. Y desde entonces, yo e aprendido que las personas que valen son las que te hacen reír, no importa quien eres, o cuan acento tienes, o cuanta plata tienes etc.

Debido a mi cambio en personalidad, mi mente se desocupo de la drama de hacer amigos porque cuando empecé a ser yo misma, se me hizo fácil y menos difícil a mantenerlos. A causa de eso, me pude concentrar mas en mis estudios y mis responsabilidades familiares. Poco a poco, mi vida cambio a ser menos alborotada y miserable, porque por fin tenia un balance entre los estudios, y mi vida social.

Aunque la amistad de esas tres niñas me halla causado dolor y me bajo mi autoestima por un rato, de todas formas entre a la escuela secundaria, o “high school,” con una actitud diferente. Mucha gente comete el error en odiar la gente de su pasado por una razón o la otra. Al contrario, yo todavía hablo y sonrío con ellas. Por como me afectaron negativamente, nunca podría juntarme a ellas otra vez como cuando tenia trece años. Pero se que la gente cambia, como yo e cambiado, y por eso, siempre les daré gracias—por enseñarme a aprovechar quien soy, y apropiarme de mi individualidad.

"There's No Place Like Home"

I was watching a show. And this woman in the show talks about how she once had a professor that spoke about the most hypocritical/horrible quote there was. And that was "there's no place like home" from the Wizard of Oz. The professor explained that if there was no place like home, how come Dorothy's home was in black and white? How come she wanted to go so badly to it when Oz was full of dancing tin men, happy lions etc. I thought this was an interesting theory because like our own world, Oz had it's mistakes. But how come Dorothy wanted to go so badly?

Anyways, this brings me back to my own subject. I love New York City, but for me there is honestly no place like MY home right now. However, people change, and I may evolve as I alter. In the future, New York City may be my own version of black and white, and I may yearn for it like Dorothy did simply because it's the only place I can honestly feel stability in. It may not be the best place for me, though.


Me: They say that people who love NYC tend to love Chicago.
Joe L: It's true.
Me: Maybe I'll go there one day to live.
Joe L: They're similar, but there's no place like New York City. No place at all.

Copying this from Frida's blog on to my blog because I love it

"There is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."

Damn this quote is good

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” ~ James D. Miles

"I've come up with a theory that all friendships never leave where they started off." -Crystal

It's frustrating knowing that you have a passion or a talent for something...and knowing you can do barely anything about it because it will probably get you...nowhere.

10 year commemoration

This morning I woke up and I turned on my T.V. in search of a good 9/11 documentary to watch. I came across this one of never seen footage. The most shocking thing was the speed in which the events happened that day. One moment the west tower was there, still symbolizing what used to be the World Trade Center. Not much was happening, smoke was just coming out of it and it seemed as though maybe there was a chance the fire could be put out and at least one tower would remain. In a matter of ten seconds, the entire tower ripped down into rubble, sending out a cloudy wave of dust which traveled as far as six blocks away from the core in each direction. When we count the amount of people that passed away that day, it comes to an astonishing amount of 3000+. But what about the people who were effected internally from the rubble? What about the people whom in one way or another also left us mentally? How many really died? 

The fact is, that no matter the amount of years that pass by, no NYC citizen or US citizen for that matter can really pull it together from that day. This is true because we commemorate this by having our moments of silence on each anniversary. The fact that on this same day we have a bomb threat announced in our city is shocking because the truth is, nobody has really recovered from 9/11. And now we have to face yet another threat? Nobody truly understands why the fuck it happened or who the fuck would decide to launch a plane into a building killing no only thousands of adults in the plane itself AND in the building, but children who were in the daycares etc. It's not reasonable. And now we have to face yet more fear.

And then I think about it...if 3000+ people in NYC died on this precise date ten years ago, and this has affected us so, how are the people in Iraq feeling? How are those in Palestine? How is it that two buildings crashing down can destroy so many families? How is it that one of our machine guns can destroy almost as many families as were lost on September 11th, 2001? "Dear USA, your 9/11 is our 24/7. Sincerely, Palestine." 

Three Epigrams made in English Class! (with Kiseok and Khadijah)

1. A woman's ugliness is the pursuit of youth. A gentleman's mistake is making a comedy of life.
2. Work without character is tragedy.
3. A child's hypocrisy is not loving one's parents when we're all on a pursuit of a lifelong friend.

Jamestown Story - Ashamed

Letters From The Sky - Civil Twilight

They say that good things take time
but really things happen in the blink of an eye.

The most important relationship in your life is the one with your parents. Friends come and go. Boyfriends and girlfriends do too. But if in one way or another those relationships are getting in the way with your primary one, something is going wrong. Lies come back and bite you in the ass. They trick you into thinking that because you got away with one, you can get away with the rest. The adrenaline from one is enough to sustain you and inclines you into producing another one. There's no point in messing up your relationship with your parents because at the end of the day, your mistakes and lies might affect other's lives...your lies may even disappoint your friends and disgust them. But, your parents love you regardless of those mistakes and that is hard to find in anyone else.

Isla Palma

Spent three nights, four days in Isla Palma, a small island just off the coast of Tolu, Colombia. This resort is one of the most beautiful I've ever been to. The workers there are friendly and anyone can have a conversation with them. The waters are beautiful and there's so much beach, and so little people that each couple, family etc. can have their own section of sand. The scuba diving wasn't THAT great but the fact that you can breathe underwater for more than a minute is enough to fascinate you. I even got to hold a starfish in my hand :). The sunsets are beautiful and most of all, the life at night is incredible. I personally loved the nightlife more than during the day. The best thing about this place is its uniqueness. It's decorated rustically, but still, it's very clean and modern in its own way. However, there is music always blasting, and people always dancing. If you are not latin american, it's most likely you won't enjoy this place. It's very cultural, but it's not diverse. In three words, it was great.

Katharine McPhee - Terrified

I always thought that if I were to try out for some singing program, I'd sing this.

Bogotá

I want to live here so badly it's ridiculous. Everything is much simpler and cheaper. I have so much family here it's ridiculous and honestly, I could picture myself being here for a while. My view from the window is the city of Bogotá and just beyond it, the mountains with low fog making it's green hazy. So many friends here, and so many things to do every single day-I love Bogotá, Colombia.

If your love wasn't enough the first time around,
it won't be any better the second time.

Back in Florida, Miss you Bahamas

Not going to lie, this has to be one of the best vacations ever. The Bahamas. Where can I even start? Besides the fact that it was incredibly relaxing and all around enjoyable, it was also one of the most wild vacations. This is my third time at the Atlantis resort, but before I was too young to really have much liberty etc. This time, I didn't have the freaking walkie talkies to stay in contact with parents, nothing. My cousin and I just went around, went on rides, hung out at night and chilled. Met lots of people, hung out with my family a lot, danced tons and just straight up enjoyed myself without the trouble of anything in the world.

Bahamas 2011, amazing.

Today, coming into NYC felt weird as shit. It didn't feel like I had lived in it for fifteen years. It felt strange and distant. Maybe it has to do with the lack of there being certain things in NYC that makes me want to flee it nowadays. Or maybe it's because there's a gap in me that has just made me feel as though I am misplaced. I just know that ever since I got back from BROWN, this doesn't feel like home and that's kind of shocking for me.

I always believed that this would be my permanent home, and that I would always be dragged back here but I guess I've learned today (because it just hit me) that although you believe you've reached your maximum self and have come to final decisions: people change. I will change. Things change. Not realizing that now will make you all the more prone to altering.

The full moon, well risen in a cloudless eastern sky, covered the high solitude with its light. We are not conscious of daylight as that which displaces darkness. Daylight, even when the sun is clear of clouds, seems to us simply the natural condition of the earth and air. When we think of the downs, we think of the downs in daylight, as with think of a rabbit with its fur on. Stubbs may have envisaged the skeleton inside the horse, but most of us do not: and we do not usually envisage the downs without daylight, even though the light is not a part of the down itself as the hide is part of the horse itself. We take daylight for granted. But moonlight is another matter. It is inconstant. The full moon wanes and returns again. Clouds may obscure it to an extent to which they cannot obscure daylight. Water is necessary to us, but a waterfall is not. Where it is to be found it is something extra, a beautiful ornament. We need daylight and to that extent it us utilitarian, but moonlight we do not need. When it comes, it serves no necessity. It transforms. It falls upon the banks and the grass, separating one long blade from another; turning a drift of brown, frosted leaves from a single heap to innumerable flashing fragments; or glimmering lengthways along wet twigs as though light itself were ductile.

-Richard Adams

PLEASE VOTE FOR MY POEM-GIVE IT THE ADEQUATE STARS.

TRYING TO GET THIS POEM INTO THE MAGAZINE! :)

http://teenink.com/poetry/free_verse/article/353305/She-Dances/

Pencil Art. For people who say they get bored at home...

Shiny Toy Guns - Starts With One (Classixx)

POSTED THE ORIGINAL THIS WEEK
THIS IS SO GOOD TOO.

College Essay Ideas(?)

Among the many thoughts that I have in my head right now, the most prominent one has to be the "College Essay." I know it is summer and I know that technically I shouldn't really be thinking about this until next summer. But I can't help it. One of my main ideas would be related to a certain image that I've come to love: a feather breaking off into four birds. Now what I'd like to talk about in my essay is the fact that something already delicate and beautiful can wander off and turn into something greater through exploration and freedom. It is ironic for the feather itself obviously comes from a bird. I definitely want to go into this topic more and pick out the irony and how I can link it to my own life. I'd probably link it to certain events in my life that have made me wander away from my past selves which I had previously thought to be to its highest potentials and have made me slowly become something better, though I am still improving every single day.

Another idea would definitely be more personal. Again, I'd be brought back to write about how my two cousins passed away in 2009 December and how that crushed me much more than it already had 6 months later when I found out that my father received a job in the same place they had been living. If he had gotten that job six months before that, I could've visited, I could've seen them a last time and I would not have taken my family for granted. That could definitely be a possible idea for a college essay.

Recently received a book with a bunch of motivational quotes, so maybe that'll serve as prompts.

Pride

You're spine looks so tender;
vulnerable to the lowest degree.
Make sure to stand straight;
for the opportune will abuse thee.

Shiny Toy Guns "Starts With One"

GOING BACK TO LE PIANO

tried it last night
fell in love all over again
third street music school whatup
next year will be phenomenalll

PUBLISHED

For my birthday this year,
my mom published my poems into a book called "A Penny for your Thoughts."
She sneakily translated them too so the book is bilingual.
The book was published in Mexico and is not like any normal book.
It is what they call an "object book."
Basically, it is in the shape of a can and on top there is a slot to put a coin in
to match the title "A Penny for your Thoughts."
The point is to make a wish by placing a coin in and THEN reading the poems.

I can't ask for a more beautiful present.
Paola Garces is a published author :)

MY BROWN EXPERIENCE

I am never going to forget these past two weeks of my life. I have never laughed so much, felt more happy. There is just no other way to explain it. I don't want to write a long post about this because for once, I want to soak in the greatness of something and keep it for myself. The amount of things that I have learned and the amount that I've opened up to certain people just blows my mind. I never thought that it could be so easy. After being at the same school for so long, this was extremely refreshing for me and I just couldn't have asked for a more wonderful start to the summer.

Sanctuary: A Dance with the Meadow

My little eyes scanned the meadow verdure that was taller than the coal curls developing on my scalp
and its brothers and sisters and mothers were so united to each other
that they multiplied into hundreds and thousands,
way
above.
The green stretched for miles and I raced the breeze that slid across the
families of weeds that lay in front of me.
They smelled of beauty, so soft-
so delicate.
They laced around each other,
as I mimicked
their
every
twist and sway
from the hill above.

The occasional humming bird came and sucked at the droplets
that lay on the tips of the leaves and I'd chase it away,

Do not bother the life here.

As the sky would open up and pour its sweet tears out
onto the meadow, I'd sprint through it
feeling the slosh and the brown soil

Serenity filled me,
as I claimed this sanctuary of mine.
And I-
I was in harmony as a sister of the grass.

Distance

The dawn has awakened me
Away from you, and I barely exist

The night dismissed its bulbs above your sky
In sync,
we wander though apart.

How to fit in in NYC (do not take this seriously)

When you travel to the Big Apple, you'll see that it is an ethnic pot. Not only that, but you'll also see people of very young ages whom don't look as young as they should look; they're the ones wearing the see through shirts and lace bandeau's underneath. There will also be very old people whom don't look as old as they should look; they're the ones wearing piled on Sephora make up arranged by the Union Square 5th avenue prestige stylers. New York City isn't what it seems. In fact, you'll find that it is not at all what you judged through the movies, it is better.

You might not know who to hang out with when you arrive. You'll see people with the high wasted ripped jean shorts, the crop top, the vintage necklace and the combat boots; those are the hipsters. If you like to shop at Buffalo Exchange and other vintage boutiques, get to know them. I will tell you one thing; get used to neck cramps! Hipsters (most of them) carry huge nikon, olympus or canon cameras around their neck to capture every photo they find "artistic." For example, a pigeon pecking at a trash may suddenly look beautiful and I guarantee, the flash will go off. FInally, if you like to "smoke up," and flaunt your unreasonably priced pack of cigarettes, hipsters are the right group for you.

Now, if hipsters hate something more than anything in the world, it's the upper east side prep kids. These are the ones that you'll find strolling in Central Park for fun, or taking limos four blocks away just to get to Starbucks. You will walk past them and choke on their Ralph Lauren cologne and perfume and suddenly you'll just know, "Prep." If you're into surfing, please sit with the prep kids at lunch. And when you do, please come back and tell me where exactly they surf, because I guarantee there is nowhere in this city where you can. After a while, you'll either feel right at home with them. However, unless you own at least two Hampton's houses, or play lacrosse, good luck.

At the Trash and Vaudeville shop on St. Marks downtown, you'll find a lot of what we'd call; goth. This store is the center for the people who like the fully laced thigh high combat boots, the striped black and white tights, the corsets which they believe to be fashionable and the abnormal yet apparently stylish faerie wings. You might go up to them and say, "Hey, do you know where the coal black eye liner is?" They'll either stare at you and smirk or give you directions with the most complex and pessimistic words. At that point, you will either realize that this is not you're clique or you will suddenly feel as though Trash and Vaudeville is the place for you.

You'll be strolling down the street, or waiting on a corner to cross the road, when swoosh, some asshole bmx biker or skateboarder will literally slide only inches away from your toes. These guys are generally going towards Washington Square Park; the center for the "pot-heads" and the "crackies." You'll find that what most of them do is quite entertaining, such as painting and drawing. Certainly it's beautiful, but there's only one problem. It's on our building's walls, everywhere around the city. That's right, it's graffiti and it has their names all over it. You'll find that a lot of these guys are incredibly conceited, and basically pose for the ridiculous hipsters that come over with their fish eye lenses in order to post it on Facebook.

Sometimes you'll walk by teenagers with the boom boxes in their hands. Along with them, there will usually be a group of girls whom you will easily identify because of the big hoop earrings, the skin tight jeans and the tight shirt that tends to show off a little bit more of skin then the average person would prefer. These guys and girls will probably be fist pumping and shaking body parts that shouldn't be shaken to the music being blasted in public from these boxes.

The Big Apple is an ethnic pot. What you thought you knew from the movies isn't quite the same anymore, is it?

Humanity

There is a thin line between hunger and desire. One of them, hunger, is less raw. It is less heartfelt and is fueled by something different than enthusiasm. It is fueled by greed, materialism and in some cases, power. On the other hand, desire, is fueled by passion and longing. However, sometimes we are mislead by human capabilities such as competition and hatred, therefore, leading us to take our desire and exchange it for hunger. It is in our nature and some of us, on occasion, forget to draw this line between both.
Subconsciously, all of mankind knows that something is malfunctioning in our world. Until we are proven otherwise through love or any type of emotion that brings out our honorable human traits, most of are lost in a threatening world of hunger. At the back of our heads, we realize that we are bitter and deep inside; we all want to experience love. We all want to trump evil and feel glorious through achievements without having to struggling and competing.
Many of us are blind. We stare up into the sky and we usually only see one star in that pitch-black sky. We are blind because we have been disappointed and unable to be proven that if that one star that we depended on were to be removed, we wouldn’t be lost. In mythology, it is predicted if Zeus’ lightning bolt were to be stolen, Poseidon would shake the seas, Tartarus’ grounds would explode with fury and Aphrodite would be left with no love or beauty. Without that bolt, or our own star, many of us would be lost. Desire, would be misplaced and only hunger would be left. That is why we depend on those who are able to stare up into the sky and realize that there is not only one star, but there are many, gleaming over us. They are the true leaders and the ones who prove us that mankind has someone to trust to lead them the way.
There are very many people left who are uncorrupted by hunger and untouched by greed. Yet, we let it be because without this feeling of corruption, we wouldn’t be looking for something better such as love. We are a race to be honored and disgraced. We are blind to beauty and some of us are infatuated with it. We feel everything and we are reluctant to giving into our emotions. We are malevolent, ravenous, adoring, affectionate…We are humanity.

Today

I
don't
know
how
I'm
going
to
get
through
this
summer
without you.
Hence, this year and next year.
I'm just waiting for 2013 to come around so that maybe
I'll get a chance to see you again.

This isn't happening.

because you don't have blonde hair or red hair ;)
because you have incredibly interesting family stories
because i can talk to you every single day without getting uninterested
because of the way you speak about your mom
because of the way you kiss my forehead
because you live two blocks away and i can see you basically whenever
because you bring me home every night
because anna loves you more :)
because you hate it when i touch your cheeks
because you get frustrated with me easily
because of your patience
because of your street & book intelligence
because of your stories about the places you lived
because of the way you pick me up sometimes like a baby
because of your laugh
because of the way you make fun of me
because of your promises towards me
because of the way you help me study
because you remember details that i could've told you weeks before
because of the way you pull me back when i'm "mad" at you
because of june 23rd
because we never fight
because of the hope that you've sparked in me

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
12 MORE DAYS.
:(

I learned the hard way that they all say things you want to hear

self explanatory.

I WANTTTT

Lilly Pulitzer "Lela" Daisy Lace Shift Dress



Kate Spade Brooke Espadrille Wedges
(i really wish these didn't have the bow or the golden hoops...then it would be perfect)

Tron

Clu: You promise that we would change the world together. You broke your promise.
Kevin Flynn: I know. I understand that now.
Clu: I took this system to it's maximum potential. I created the perfect system!
Kevin Flynn: The thing about perfection is that it's unknowable. It's impossible, but it's also right in front of us all the time.

There are a lot of people in my life whom I've known for a while. On the other hand, it just so happens that the vast majority of these people have settled in so comfortably into my life that they've lost the sense of respect that any two humans should have for each other. I can say now that my one annoyance, regarding social life, is when people just get too damn outspoken. You can't just treat people like shit and get away with it just because you believe you're close with them. It doesn't work like that at all. Those people take life for granted. They take the people that come in and out of THEIR life for granted. That's not right. Get the hell over yourself 'cause one day you will get smacked in the face and you'll have to look karma in the fucking eye.

Adele - Set Fire to the Rain Lyrics

Love these lyrics

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say sorry like the angel
Heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

Sanctuary

A tree with four holes on each of its poles-
encircled and full of experience.
The lotuses that captured you into unrealizable desperation
led you here, to this tree-
The relief that lifts you up into the home of those with wings.
With courtesy, they welcome you
for they've waited for you to pin yourself against the bark.
Gravity struggles against His strength and of nature's.
The final words that swipe against your lips
lift up with you into the clouds.
The expression that forms on your face makes you wonder whether it's time.
Yet the tree beckons you,
trying to close the circle of life that you've been running around for eras.
The sister and brother awake,
waking at the sight of your disappearance.

Girl

A punch in the wall, that's all it takes
To get the tears running
To get the girl running
From the strain

A shade over two shoulder blades
To hide the craze
To hide the maze
That she's following

A braid made of two locks
One from the past
One from what she hopes will last
To renew the wishes that did not come true

A girl stuck in time
Broken from the torture
Hoping for once she'll be the scorcher
Girl.

LOOK AT MY OTHER BLOG :)

this blog is more influenced by my artistic side, haven't written in it in a while though.

http://paolaperdida.blogspot.com/

MADE MY DAY. (yes, i teared)

"well if i had to describe paola it would be hard. she isn't describable in words because well she can change. like we all can change but she isn't a constant at the same time as being

she is my first real best friend and that says a lot because i don't get to be friends with anyone easily

she is a great friend and she will have your back if need be

even to those who have hurt her

she knows how to distinguish the truth from the false

and she can keep her real friends real

she is creative and good at so much

aight i'm done"

Three Songs to Listen to:

1. Shattered by Trading Yesterday

2. Teenage Stars - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HSqhP8hpFQ&feature=related

3. 25 to Life by Eminem

Puerto Rico and Colombia

There are many people that despise their countries. I, on the other hand, cannot come close to saying that about either of my parent's countries.

Puerto Rico is a paradise. It is a tiny country, with beaches everywhere you go. I have been to Puerto Rico so many times that when going there, all my mom and I do is rent a car, and literally just go to our favorite places. However, two years ago, I went to the most beautiful place I've ever been to in Puerto Rico and any other country as well. It is called Culebra. It is an even tinier island that pertains to the Puerto Rican country. I stayed in a homey-feeling hotel that didn't have wifi or computers. Being a city girl, at first, I believed it would be extremely hard. However, I had one of the best times of my life. We rented a jeep and drove around in less than an hour around the entire island. Finally, we found a secluded beach whose waters were clearer than anything you'll ever find. When touching the water, I did not feel an inch of fear or hesitation. The waters are unbelievable magic on that island, unless viewed or touched.

Colombia is threatening paradise. Being one of the most dangerous countries in the world, one cannot walk the streets without feeling as though there is a "shadow following," as my uncle puts it. However, Colombia's people is like one big family. Everyone is friendly and social, unlike what you'll find in America. Big families that colonized there, will always stay there and when going back, one will find traces of ancestors and will discover new cousins and distant relatives. Music is a big part of Colombia's culture. El tango, el merengue, la musica...te persigue.

The beauty of both: Home.

Adele - Someone Like You (Live in Her Home)

so much respect for this woman.

her music is pure simplicity and evidently shows her adoration

for life and for music.

i hope that when i grow older, i'll do some kind of side project with music.

i'm so inspired.

there's no other way to put it.

everyday, i put my head to it and get one step closer to my goals.

that's me this year.

and that's the way it should be. 

I can talk to you for hours on end

There are certain things you can't control. Some things are broken and you try and you try and you try to mend them but mostly, just to let you know, you're running around in circles. once you cross the line of disaster, there's not much you can do to take it all back. Every day I'll try to fix the little bit I can...even if I'm young and naïve. I know that tomorrow this will all be a lesson but I hope you know, that I tried. All I wish is to see those smiles again and I've always wished for that one day that changed the childish way that I perceived you two as, had never happened.

My Summer

This summer is going to be ridiculous (in the good way). Although at first it'll be hard getting accustomed to a very important change, I feel as though my plan of the summer will cheer me up a little bit.

Brown (Experimental Writing Course) - June 26th - July 9th.

F.I.T. (Intermediate Photography Class) - June 12th - July 26th.

Florida - August 8th.

Atlantis, Bahamas with the Family from Florida - August 10th to August 14th

Bogota, Colombia from Florida - August 16th.

CRYSTAL COMING TO COLOMBIA - August 17th!!

Cartagena, Bogota! - August 22nd?

Back to New York City - September 2nd :(

This summer - so hyped...

Suzanne Vega - Luka

simple lyrics but 

easily one of the most meaningful songs to me.

mute

been

wanting

to

have

this

one

conversation

with

you

forever.

If there is one thing in life that I have learned, it is to maintain motivation. Without motivation, there isn't much you can look forward too or move on from. Motivation is a state of mind, however. Whatever you desire must be accomplished through motivation and whatever you detest shouldn't get in your way. There are several points when you're a teenager when you feel as though you don't want to step forward from where you are standing. There were many points a few months ago where I felt like I was stuck and that I was not only stuck, but I was falling and getting sucked into a pile of quicksand. But motivation saw me through. 

We had a speaker last week on addictions. He told us to personify addiction and think of it as a shadow that follows around those who give in to it and believe they will escape it without consequences. My point in this rant is that I, now, picture motivation as a person. It's easy for me to say now that motivation is not my enemy, like addiction, but my friend. 

Thanks to them

The best feeling is knowing that you can walk through a door and be safe; not having to worry about consequences or betrayal. Just walking though that door and knowing that you have people to rely on and people that will make you laugh...people that know how much time has passed...and yet make you feel like no time has creeped by at all. Just yesterday, I was crying from laughter and that right there has to be the second best feeling...that you are not laughing alone...that everyone is laughing in synchronization. 

Papa

You;

You with your ash hair and rare smile,

Oh how I miss that smile. 

Yet, I barely remember it and that makes me wonder-

Wonder when I'll see you again, 

When I'll hear you again.

Somedays I don't feel your presence but

every day for the past 34 days,

I wonder whether you're lonely, whether you're sad.

Oh papa how I miss you;

You with your ash hair and rare smile.

you don't try anymore

so i won't try anymore

when you complain

i'll just say

"the phone works both ways, honey."

lately, i've been thinking about nothing else but talent. i have no special talent, nothing to show off, nothing to really put my mind to and pursue. nothing to look forward to in college, nothing that clears my mind regarding college. there was one thing, however, that i was really good at. the piano. at one point it did take my mind off everything, especially when i was really good at it. but then, suddenly, i felt less motivated. perhaps it was because i never tried anything new, my teacher never gave me anything new to play. then again, i never pushed to find that new music that would take me so high i'd never want to come down. a lot of people actually don't know this side of me. my attachment to music is so strong and not even my closest friends know how much a part of me music is and always will continue to be. i have danced modern, jazz, ballet and tap. i have played the flute, the drums, the violin and the piano throughout my life. i've also always practiced my voice. however, that will never (to my dismay) be a talent of mine. it kills because if i was any good at it, i would definitely take it up as a career, i would give anything to be magnificent at that and have people recognize me as...well..."her, the one that can sing." there are so many things in my life that i have been working at and i'm good at them, slightly above average, but i'm not outstanding at them. i'm not..."her." piano was a big part of my life, i was good at it. but it was too much, the one thing that i was beyond good at, i let it go.

"I know there's something in the wake of your smile

I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah

You've built a love but that love falls apart

A little piece of heaven turns to dark

Listen to your heart

When he's calling for you

Listen to your heart

There's nothing else you can do 

I don't know where you're going 

And I don't know why

But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile

The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah

They're swept away and nothing is what it seems

The feeling of belonging to your dreams"

She Dances

Awe;

People look at her in awe.

She cuts through the stage, sliding her toes like blades against metal

The audience is her long lost friend and her enemy as well.

She thrashes her body and strangles the air with rapid fistful movements.

A chemical—A chemical her body has become,

Reacting to the lights and the floor with anger.

It’s not enough, it’s not enough—she believes.

So, she begins her strides again and with incomparable perfection,

She slashes the floorboards racing against whatever’s left to compete with.

Nothing’s enough; nothing’s enough—nothing.

Enough’s enough, but enough is nothing.

Suddenly, the beam’s on her, and the admiration overwhelms her ears.

The knives drop from her palms as she realizes that finally—

Finally, she dances.

WHAT SOMEBODY SAID TO ME TODAY :)

"How come your tears aren't bigger than mine?

Like you got bigger eyes, but same tears."

Remember Me

Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant.

But it's very important that you do it...because...nobody else will.

Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says:

"You're nowhere near ready..." but the other half says,

"Make her yours forever."

Michael, Caroline asked me what I would say if I knew you could hear me.

I said, I do know.

I love you.

God, I miss you and I forgive you.

"I've always felt like the girl who never gets the brass ring and maybe I never will but today and at regionals, the way you guys believed me and took a chance with me, all I've ever wanted to feel special...and to be chosen, and I wanted to thank you guys for giving me that."

and then the sky turned red

this quote haunts me as if i had learned no other phrases in my life. i don't know what it is about these specific words. they just really shock me every time i remember them. i've blogged about this before but i believe it is worth re-blogging. i was once writing a personal essay and i ended it with this quote. i, actually, named the personal essay "And then the sky turned red." the personal essay was about four relationships that i had: rishav, abdullah, shiraz and my parents. i ended the essay with this paragraph:

"These three relationships along with my parents have affected my life as a whole, making me who I am and who I’m meant to truly be. “And then the sky turned red,” said Rishav to me one day long ago about what he had seen. And until today, I never really realized how that quote impacted me. The blue sky turning red represents me, for without these people; I would never have seen the sky turn red, I would’ve never experienced that once in a blue moon moment. So, if anyone ever asks me what my parents or what my true best friends are like, I’ll tell them they are just like me, since they have made me become who I am. And although I am fifteen, with a long life ahead of me, I have no complaints for now, which is how it should be. For now, I am home. "

there is nothing left to say in this post. i just thought i should relive the precise moment in which i wrote this entire 1850 word essay. on that day, i was happy, i was alive and content with my life. i had these three relationships to look up to each and every day, something to rely on and love. it seems as though around that precise period of time, everything started to go downhill. everything started changing and altering. it is precisely today that i feel as though i can stand up and look out the window and realize that the sky has turned red for me once again.

a part of me is still with you, no matter how i act, no matter how much i deny it.

i'm happy i can look back at everything with a smile and no regrets.

the sun's gone dim and the sky's turned black

please listen to this song by johann johannsson

the full version.

it is a really fucking painful thing hurting someone that means so much to you unintentionally when all you're trying to do is what you think is best. it is incredibly mortifying, i can't even describe it. the worst thing is the confusion that you feel afterwards, the reluctancy and desire to speak. wondering what the future holds and if what the past was worth it after all. on the contrary to my almost unbreakable belief that everything holds some kind of beauty, this has no beauty at all. there is nothing enjoyable about hurting someone that means so much and there is nothing pleasurable about the side effects. there is no accomplishment in doing so and there is no lesson learned. the only thing you're really left with is guilt and regret. and pain.

For those who are as young as I am and already live with regret.

For those who are willing to step up from this regret.

Now my kingdom awaits. 

And it's forgiven my mistakes.

I'm coming home.

I'm coming home.

Tell the world I'm coming home.

Some Great Poems to Look Into

“The Heart” by Stephen Crane

In the desert

I saw a creature, naked, bestial,

Who, squatting upon the ground,

Held his heart in his hands,

And ate of it.

I said, “Is it good, friend?”

“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;

“But I like it

Because it is bitter,

And because it is my heart.”

“Humanity, I love you” by E.E. Cummings

Humanity i love you

because you would rather black the boots of

success than enquire whose soul dangles from his

watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both

parties and because you

unflinchingly applaud all

songs containing the words country home and

mother when sung at the old howard

Humanity i love you because

when you're hard up you pawn your

intelligence to buy a drink and when

you're flush pride keeps

you from the pawn shops and

because you are continually committing

nuisances but more

especially in your own house

Humanity i love you because you

are perpetually putting the secret of

life in your pants and forgetting

it's there and sitting down

on it

and because you are

forever making poems in the lap

of death Humanity

i hate you

“Fire and Ice” by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I’ve tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.