Tiny Restless Thing

it is a really fucking painful thing hurting someone that means so much to you unintentionally when all you're trying to do is what you think is best. it is incredibly mortifying, i can't even describe it. the worst thing is the confusion that you feel afterwards, the reluctancy and desire to speak. wondering what the future holds and if what the past was worth it after all. on the contrary to my almost unbreakable belief that everything holds some kind of beauty, this has no beauty at all. there is nothing enjoyable about hurting someone that means so much and there is nothing pleasurable about the side effects. there is no accomplishment in doing so and there is no lesson learned. the only thing you're really left with is guilt and regret. and pain.