Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home [2009]

home, let me go home. home is my safety.

My Girls-My Best Friends

Sarah: You're beautiful inside and out. You have so much good in you and it pains me to see that not many people understand most of the things that you're going through. I don't even understand sometimes but that's okay as long as you're not lost. I love you so much and I'm glad we've stuck by each other even if we've gotten distant in one way or another in the past.

Shiraz: I guess I could say you picked me up from the ground and lifted me up. You're basically the person that keeps me up to speed with who I really am. The true talent you've got is that you know how to keep people confident of themselves. Without you I truly don't know who I could've become.

Crystal: You're the one person who I can laugh for hours and hours on end with. But on the contrary to that, we both know when the switch has to turn off and have a serious talk. I can go to you about everything and anything without getting judged and hopefully, you can do the same. I feel like I don't always get to express this to you but I hope you know I'm here for you whenever you need it.

Claire: I can relate myself to you more than anyone I know. I never guessed that we'd become close like we've become now. I can honestly say that you're one of my best friends now. Whether we're dancing and being wild :) or just talking for hours about the stupidest and most pathetic things, you put a smile on my face.

Frida: We have our stages where we barely talk sadly and then there's times where all we do is enjoy each other's company. Unlike many people I surround myself with, our relationship is very effortless and smooth. I hope nobody ever tries to push you down, which unfortunately, throughout our lives, many do. But, if this were to ever happen, I hope you remember how truly great of a person you are.

Anya: We had a date over the summer and due to different friends, we don't get to hang out as much but when we do, there's so much to talk about. I love when we have our phone calls and just talk about boys and life as a whole. We have a lot of things in common and due to this I feel like I could open up to you so much more than I already do.

Camila: I love being with you. We're in seperate grades and sometimes it feels as though there should be a gap, but surprisingly, we're both just as immature as each other. I'm going to miss you so much for the rest of high school but I hope we keep in touch because I consider you one of my best friends. Your confidence and intelligence stun me giving me more than enough reason to completely and utterly admire you.

i'd like to think that life is simply a figment of the imagination. when i fall deep into sleep, well, let me rephrase...when i fall into the epitome of what i'd like to think is my reality, i escape thoughts. people have millions of dreams simply in one night, and what i've noticed is that the mind selects specific ones that are completely relevant and realistic. the others are locked away for you not remember when you awaken. so you see, when you fall into sleep, you enter a universe of secrets. truthfully, i think that all human beings know what these secrets and special dreams are but you're mind chooses to not reveal them to you when you're eyes open so that you subconsciously you always have something to look forward to the next time. i consider myself a dreamer, not one whom is awakened by the stars, but a dreamer who is awakened by light. "a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world" -oscar wilde.

yes
five day weekend.
so ready for this...

Grief by Stephen Dobyns

Trying to remember you
is like carrying water
in my hands a long distance
across sand. Somewherev people are waiting.
They have drunk nothing for days.

Your name was the food I lived on;
now my mouth is full of dirt and ash.
To say your name was to be surrounded
by feathers and silk; now, reaching out,
I touch glass and barbed wire.
Your name was the thread connecting my life;
now I am fragments on a tailor’s floor.

I was dancing when I
learned of your death; may
my feet be severed from my body.

This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up becuase if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.
- Marilyn Monroe

there's one thing that i'm completely and 100% sure about. everyone should do whatever it takes in order to be happy. if it means being selfish, so be it. if it means being destructive, then that's fine. but...never become the destruction. this recklessness should always be temporary. sometimes it's okay to forget about others and concentrate on yourself.

and yeah, i'm happy at where i am now. i did what i had to do.

today is special

:)

"When it gets cold, and it feels like the end. There's no place to go? You know I won't give in."
today, i talked to one of my closest friends. i'm actually so surprised because she'd the type of person who keeps so many things bottled up inside of her. it was a relief when she opened up to me because i had thought that side of her was gone when it came to me. i thought about what she said and the one thing that i noticed was that many people feel very lost. about a month ago i was so angry about everything because i thought i was losing the people that were the key ones in my life. i noticed that she felt the same way and the only thing i could think about was this song and the quote that i've posted on top. i've taught myself that it's okay to rely on just me. however, the person that i learned this from is one of the ones that i feel like i've lost. therefore, there's a part of me that feels rather empty. it surprised me mostly that she was trying to explain this to me and thought that i didn't understand but i truly did. it makes me wonder how many people feel like this. i love her so much and i hope she feels so much better soon. but for now i can't do much, i can only be there and help her through and keep telling her..."if today isn't good, tomorrow will always be better."

Day 10: One Confession.

I don't believe in confessions, they show weakness, and most people take advantage of that.
So, I guess my "confession" would be that I don't confess.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

1. :)
2. :|

Day Eight: Three Turn Ons

1. A good dancer
2. Good kisser
3. Somewhat (if not completely) toned

Day Seven: Four Turn Offs.

1. Bad breath
2. Bad dressing
3. A Player
4. Sloppy Kisser

for the last 5 years my dad was unemployed because of the job crisis that started after 9/11. during this past summer he got offered a job back at our home country, colombia. he left, and i was perfectly fine with it because i knew that he would be happier and even though we'd miss each other, it'd be worth it in the end cause i knew he'd feel accomplished. there have been so many good things that have come out of this such as the fact that i can travel to colombia more now whenever i want when i wish to see him. there are also some bad things that are quite obvious...the lack of seeing him. about two years ago i was going through that stupid teenage crisis shit where i didn't appreciate my parents. but i've changed that and this situation of living miles away from my father makes me appreciate them to a degree that is unexplainable unless put in this position.

today, i was walking home from school and my mom called me and asked me where i was. i told her that i was getting to second avenue and i would be home in about 5 or 10 minutes. i found it strange that she was asking since she knows my schedule. i put down the phone but i became curious and called her back asking why she was asking, which she responded to by telling me that she simply wanted to meet up with me with her friend while walking my dog but that there was no point now since i was almost home. i remember wondering to myself if she was lying or not. in a matter of minutes i arrived home, said hi to my mom and went to my desk where i logged onto facebook and became distracted by the internet. i remember hearing my mom open the door and leaving and thinking to myself that she was just doing the recycling. when the door reopened at her return, i didn't bother to turn around but out of nowhere i heard, "paola." however, this was not my mother's voice so i turned around and saw my father. i jumped out of my seat and began tearing up as i yelled the single word that has made my day, "papa."

Day Six: Five people that mean a lot (in no specific order at all)

It's impossible for me to choose five but if I absolutely had to choose they would be these:

RishavDev Shah, Sarah Clancy, Abdullah Hanif, Bradley Manton, Crystal Carroll, Shiraz Biran and Corey MacDonald

Poem I found on Tumblr (itskatherinemae)

There’s one sad truth in life we’ll come to realize,
While we journey east and west -
The only people we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we barely know,
We please the passing guest,
And give a bucket full of troubles,
To those who love us best.

Day 4: Seven things that Cross Your Mind a lot.

1. If I'll get into the college choices I want. This is probably the top thing that I think about. I think about this everyday not only because of college but because of the success that will come with it. I guess you could say that I think about my future way too much.

2. Whether or not people can see right through me for who I am. There are only about four people who really know me for me and for now, I don't want to let more people in. I'm not going to whine about this though because four people is enough. Although many people think it's fine to let everybody know every little thing about themselves, I believe it's best to not show many people our weaknesses because many people take that for granted.

3. If my life will change at any point for the better or for the worse. I tend to think very optimistically but there are many things that lead me to believe that fate actually exists.

4. If my parents are okay. Recently, for the past one or two years I've had this stronger connection with my parents. By growing more mature I've realized that there are worst things than an unhappy marriage. The consequences and left over state of mind can be more threatening than anything, in any situation. For this, I tend to think of them a lot.

5. If I ran away, where would paths take me? As stupid as this sounds, sometimes, when I find myself in horrible situations, I imagine my life somewhere else and how it would be.

6. If I should've expressed my passion for singing more when I was younger. At earlier ages, I was a bit more shy than I even am today. Ever since I could find my voice, I've been singing, however, I never showed that side and today I regret it.

7. If this is myself. Simple and straight to the point.

Law of the Conservation of Beauty: that across reality as a whole, beauty may never be lost or gained, created or destroyed, but only may change or be changed into a different form.

Law of Conservation of Love: that love many never be created or destroyed but only may change or be changed into a different form such as hate or fear.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

1. Make me laugh

2. and

3. that's

4. honestly

5. pretty

6. much

7. it

8. .

Right now is not the best time for me, I could say. Luckily, some people know how to distract me from a lot of bullshit. It surprises me because my main philosophy is that nothing can really bother me and nothing can make me crumble but right now I'm at that point where I think nothing can get better. Therefore, when I saw this picture I guess the one word I saw in my mind was: Optimism.

"It's okay to not be okay."

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

1. I'm serious when I need to be and wild too ;)

2. I have a lisp sometimes...

3. Gotta donk

4. I get upset easily

5. I love paris

6. I love photography and writing

7. People tend to hurt me a lot because i'm small :)

8. I"m a baby...

9. When I'm nervous, I play with my hair

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. I miss you.

2. I didn't mean it.

3. You mean so fucking much to me...

4. Thanks to you, I laugh more now

5. Thank You

6. I don't know

7. Please forgive me

8. I wish it was how it used to be

9. You've changed me

10. Fuck you

Ten Days-Took this From FriFri :)

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

i'm addicted to nighttime now, i guess. i love it. although there aren't really any stars in new york city's sky, the few that i can see are bright enough. there's only one place in this whole entire world i'd also want to be: paris. specifically, sitting on a blanket on the side of the seine river. you know how once you learn something you start seeing it everywhere? well, ever since over the summer when i started reading this book, "a long way gone," by ishmael beah, i've begun to notice the moon, read about the moon, watch movies that involved the moon. everything has suddenly begun to revolve around the fucking moon. paris has both the moon and the stars. it has a scent too, of bliss. but, new york city has one thing paris will never have: vivaciousness. whether the people are awake or not, the lights are always there to set afire the streets. who could get lost in this city?

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

him: isn't she soft?

her: no, she's one of the strong ones.

half way gone, half way there

And I always find
Yeah, I always find
Yeah, I always find somethin’ wrong
You been puttin’ up wit’ my shit just way too long
I’m so gifted at findin’ what I don’t like the most
So I think it’s time for us to have a toast

Run away from me, baby
Run away
Run away from me, baby
Run away
Never thought it would get crazy
Just run away
Baby, I got a plan
Run away as fast as you can