Dyana

This is Dyana. She might actually be the greatest person that ever entered my life. I remember when my roommate first met her; "Wow, she's so genuine when she speaks, as if everything you say to her is ridiculously important." There was no better way to put it. She pays attention to everything that you say and she actually listens. She is willing to give that constructive criticism when needed but the most important thing she has done for me is support me with all my choices. At the end of the day, it's as if she has this sixth sense...as if she just knows when you just need to hear the words "I feel you" or "I hear you."  I think she sees the good in everything she approaches. And there's never any judgment. I've never appreciated optimism and laughter as much--because those two words are literally the perfect way to describe her. The funny is thing is that before coming to McGill, I didn't feel a particular need to stay in much contact or stay close with the people from my high school that were here as well. But now, I have found that she reminds me of all the great things that come with home. I can laugh and joke with her about the things we experienced in high school and the things we experience now.

So, here's to another three years with her cause I really couldn't ask for a better friend. :)

Paranoia, Ghosts & Other Sounds - SAFIA

This Past Weekend

TOO MUCH FUN

too relaxing

missed my meatball and ellegee too much 

That dependence has disappeared
And I used to be upset by it
But now I'm not anymore
It's so freeing
And maybe the whole time the problem was me
Maybe I just held onto certain things too much
Or maybe I just held certain things too highly
All I know is that the dependence is gone
At the end of the day I have to get through these things
With or Without

X Ambassadors - Unconsolable

Try again.
Fail again.
Fail better.

"Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, I know you've murdered and I know you've lied.
And I've watched you suffer all of your life."

Heavy Weight

I was talking to this friend this one time. I asked her how she felt when this one person left her life. Her answer was so impacting, "You know, I just walked around with this really heavy weight in my heart for the longest time."

Non-Traditional

So sometimes I wonder if I should be doing more with this blog; should I be writing as much as I used to? Should this be your traditional long-posted opinionated blog? Then I recall those few days in the past where I looked through it and found it interesting to see how I expressed how I was feeling in those particular moments. Many times, I've thought about opening up a diary. It wasn't up until today that I realized that this is sort of like my diary...in moderation of course! And I love being able to come to this and write whatever is on my mind or post about whatever I find interesting in the moment. It's also nice to know that I've stayed consistent with it over all these years. A lot of people don't really understand the relief of just writing. But this blog is the one thing that I don't really look back on or regret. And that's the power of writing. I just write and write and write about whatever because it is therapeutic in itself. Sometimes I think about how much I used to write before--whether it was poetry or just giant notes with all my thoughts scrambled on every corner of the page. And yes, at times I miss all the inspiration and motivation that I had to put pen and poetic thoughts onto a piece of paper. But I guess that I've channeled that passion into other things that I do. Taking up psychology has been a great way for me to rearrange and understand my thoughts. Writing songs, even if I don't particularly look back on them, is my way of spilling my vulnerable side. And this blog, no matter how unorganized and random it may seem has kept my creative side alive. I hope I keep it for a long time because it sure will be interesting to look back on it in say 10 years and read all about my years in high school and college. These years are full of firsts, ends, experiences, heart-aches...I'd like to remember all of that no matter how many wounds they may open in the future. I'd like to keep this young and untouched side of myself alive. And who knows, maybe one day, when I've felt like I've lost a part of myself, I'll be able to look back on this and remember. So yeah, I might've started this post talking about whether I should be doing more with this blog. Maybe right now I may not be doing much...but with time, I feel like that opinion will change.

Reposting HONY because scabs are wounds that still haven't healed...

"If you could give one piece of advice to a large group of people, what would it be?"
"Don't pick at scabs."
"What scab have you picked at the most?"
"Stephanie."

James Vincent McMorrow - We Don't Eat (WKND Remix)

)

Try Again

And I could try again and again. I don't think I'll ever get tired of trying. Because this is for me. At the end of the day, If i look back and know that I didn't try hard enough for this then I will regret it. So I don't think I'll be able to go back anytime soon. I need to learn to adjust here. It was hard to admit to myself that it was time to give everything up. I think it's even harder to admit to yourself that even though every bone in your body is telling you to do that, it's really not the option you should be taking. I just gotta keep trying. And one day, it will all get better. :)

Going Back to MTL Tomorrow :)

"Somebody told me that this is the place where everything's better and everything's safe."

Happy

I'm happy

Like really happy

Because for the first time

I feel so free

I feel like I have the control over my complicated situations

I feel like I have so many options available 

There are a handful of new things left to enjoy

I want to keep breathing like this

I want to keep being engulfed in all this energy

And it's been a while since I've felt 

Like I can be okay being by myself

And I can hear my thoughts again

This past week and a half has been so revealing

I can do this 

Maybe I can get through anything, really

It's okay to let go of some things

Just to make space for others

It's okay to give time to choices

To gain a clear mind

But most of all

I feel so grateful that I'm meeting you soon

Because you don't know it yet, 

But you've restored my faith is so many things

Protection

Love

Care

All those simple things

I'm just so happy

Really

Happy

Arrow

Started watching this new show called Arrow. It's based around the character Greek Arrow. However, the show takes an interesting perspective. It revolves completely around justice. It's not about protecting one particular person or one particular thing as many comics do. It is about un-bias justice and that is actually really refreshing in a superhero show. I love it!