Suzanne Vega - Luka

simple lyrics but 

easily one of the most meaningful songs to me.

mute

been

wanting

to

have

this

one

conversation

with

you

forever.

If there is one thing in life that I have learned, it is to maintain motivation. Without motivation, there isn't much you can look forward too or move on from. Motivation is a state of mind, however. Whatever you desire must be accomplished through motivation and whatever you detest shouldn't get in your way. There are several points when you're a teenager when you feel as though you don't want to step forward from where you are standing. There were many points a few months ago where I felt like I was stuck and that I was not only stuck, but I was falling and getting sucked into a pile of quicksand. But motivation saw me through. 

We had a speaker last week on addictions. He told us to personify addiction and think of it as a shadow that follows around those who give in to it and believe they will escape it without consequences. My point in this rant is that I, now, picture motivation as a person. It's easy for me to say now that motivation is not my enemy, like addiction, but my friend. 

Thanks to them

The best feeling is knowing that you can walk through a door and be safe; not having to worry about consequences or betrayal. Just walking though that door and knowing that you have people to rely on and people that will make you laugh...people that know how much time has passed...and yet make you feel like no time has creeped by at all. Just yesterday, I was crying from laughter and that right there has to be the second best feeling...that you are not laughing alone...that everyone is laughing in synchronization. 

Papa

You;

You with your ash hair and rare smile,

Oh how I miss that smile. 

Yet, I barely remember it and that makes me wonder-

Wonder when I'll see you again, 

When I'll hear you again.

Somedays I don't feel your presence but

every day for the past 34 days,

I wonder whether you're lonely, whether you're sad.

Oh papa how I miss you;

You with your ash hair and rare smile.

you don't try anymore

so i won't try anymore

when you complain

i'll just say

"the phone works both ways, honey."

lately, i've been thinking about nothing else but talent. i have no special talent, nothing to show off, nothing to really put my mind to and pursue. nothing to look forward to in college, nothing that clears my mind regarding college. there was one thing, however, that i was really good at. the piano. at one point it did take my mind off everything, especially when i was really good at it. but then, suddenly, i felt less motivated. perhaps it was because i never tried anything new, my teacher never gave me anything new to play. then again, i never pushed to find that new music that would take me so high i'd never want to come down. a lot of people actually don't know this side of me. my attachment to music is so strong and not even my closest friends know how much a part of me music is and always will continue to be. i have danced modern, jazz, ballet and tap. i have played the flute, the drums, the violin and the piano throughout my life. i've also always practiced my voice. however, that will never (to my dismay) be a talent of mine. it kills because if i was any good at it, i would definitely take it up as a career, i would give anything to be magnificent at that and have people recognize me as...well..."her, the one that can sing." there are so many things in my life that i have been working at and i'm good at them, slightly above average, but i'm not outstanding at them. i'm not..."her." piano was a big part of my life, i was good at it. but it was too much, the one thing that i was beyond good at, i let it go.