why don't you surprise me? 

 why don't you surprise me? 

and in the dark, i can hear your heartbreak

i try to find the sun

but then it stopped and then i was in the darkness

so darkness i became

when the lights out, it's less dangerous

here we are now, entertain us

i feel stupid and contagious

here we are now, entertain us

hello hello hello, how low? hello hello hello, how low? 

texting, boots, holding your hand, the beatles, metro station, the sound of typing, secrets, staying outside while it's still dark, duckies, my puppy, jello, butterfinger, songs that are completely altered like owl city, alex evans, taking pics with my best friends, not having drama, the butterfly and the diving bell, innocent children, quotes, beating the class wizz in something, rings, sprite, playing with my fingers, strawberries, stupid shows that influence me to procrastinate, wishing i was older && you. 

so yeah,

i do love you

and you're the only one

to make me smile

the only one i'll talk to first

even when things are wild.

all that i've ever wanted, that's you. my best friend. and maybe, just sorta maybe more? :) some say it's too complicated it's stupid. but i'll just respond by saying, "we spend too much time living in the 'what if' and need to learn to live in the 'what is.' i'll enjoy this. no matter what. so you ask me how? i'll live in the now."

i've been obsessed with this song. " all the right moves " by one republic. and i couldn't describe it. what was the word? and finally, i let my friend awa listen to it . and i got it ! "paola, when i listen to this, it feels like i'm about to meet some gods or something." haha it really made me laugh but it was straight on point. today was a rainy day, usually i wouldn't mind. in fact, i didn't mind when i was getting soaked and i felt like the wind was gonna smack me back to wherever the hell i came from. but then, when you look in the mirror, and your mascara is runny and ur hair is a poof ball thats when you think; holy shit, where the hell was my umbrella? i've been inspired to start writing songs again, so maybe when i'm done with the next one, i'll post it...maybe(: I WANT IT TO BE SUMMER ALREADY. see, i can't wake up in the morning easily anymore. i love when you wake up during the summer and the sun is shining and you actually have an urge to jump out of bed. but no, the summer is just cold and you can't jump out of bed because although your toes might be warm now, when you jump, they'll feel like icicles when touched by the tiles. and you're so stiff from hugging yourself all night to keep yourself warm that stretching doesn't feel to nice anymore. this morning i was almost certain i had set the alarm clock wrong because i woke up, and it felt like it was 1 oclock in the morning, pitch dark outside. see, this doesn't make me like the mornings any more. summer '10 = europe. looking forward to it. one month since maria pato r.i.p. i still miss you and i think about you every day. manuelita, you too.

no inspiration

been spending my last 10 minutes listening to the song moonlight sonata by beethoven, ( :P ) and it's actually one of the most moving classical pieces i've listened to. it's one of those songs that just make you really really listen to each note and the rhythm and motives of why it was made in the first place. the first time i listened to this piece, rather, recognized it, was in my music seminar class. we were all quiet, listening to the piece while taking notes on the book we were reading. i looked around the classroom and i thought, this would be the perfect time to look back on everything. it's quiet, everyones actually trying to appreciate what should be appreciated in the first place and it's just my thoughts and i.

Click here for link to "Moonlight Sonata" by Beethoven

Another summer day, has come and gone away. in paris in rome, but i wanna go home. may be surrounded by a million people but i still feel alone. just wanna go home. i miss you oh. and i've been keeping all the letters that i wrote to you. their each a line or two. i'm fine baby, how are you? but i would save them but i know it's just not enough. my words my cold and flat. and you deserve more than that. another airplane, another side place, i'm lucky i know. but i wanna go home. i've got to go home. let me go home, i'm just too far from where you are. i wanna come home. and i feel just like i'm living someone else's life. it's like i just stepped outside, when everything was going right. and i know why you could not come along with me. this was your dream, but you've always believed in me. another winter day, has come and gone away and even paris and in rome. and i wanna go home. let me go home. and i'm surrounded by a million people but i still feel alone. let me go home. oh, i miss you, you know? let me go home. i've had my run. but baby i'm done. i gotta go home. let me go home. then i'll be alright, i'll be home tonight. i'm coming back home.

and through these crazy times, it's you, it's you. you're every line, you're every word. you're everything. across the endless sea, i'll sing crazy words for you because although they might be misunderstood by many, i'll make them understood for you. for once in my life, i'm just gonna let my life lead me.

bye andre:( we will miss you! a lot a lot. i might not know you as much as any of your other friends, but i know that we will miss you a lot! all the luck to you. all your bros and the ones that remember you for your great laugh and accent, will remember youu. not looking forward to tomorrow, wheres my friday at? :) i love you

your words in my memory are like music to me.

so you're really the only one that can make me laugh without effort.

one step closer to the edge
and i'm about to break.

i've always believed that blasting music into my ears and zoning myself out from the world was the best way to just get away from all the shit that revolves in my head. but i realized today that honestly the best remedy is to just sit by yourself, with nothing but quietness around you and just be able to laugh at yourself. laugh at the stupid mistakes, laugh at the selfless and obnoxious things you witness. "there are two things that don't have to mean anything. one is music and the other is laughter," -Immanuel Kant (German Philosopher)

i want to be alone. not solemn, but quiet in my mind. not by myself, but justifiably silent.

it's times like this when i have to hold my shit together. there are some points where everything is flawless. and then in a split second, a week, a month, any period of time, everything comes toppling down in an instant. it might be coincidence or maybe because subconsciously, that's your routine. maybe you've trained yourself to be happy for a certain period of time and then you've also trained yourself to lose control so that then you'll have the perfect opportunity to let yourself tumble. it looks as though you're letting go, but in reality, you're just following routine. and that's what hurts most. not that your falling, but that you're letting yourself fall and you can't stop yourself.

so you try and you try and you try. and it's as though you're playing tug-a-war. you've got it in your grasp, and you're yanking and yanking. and although your two inches away from winning, you don't enough strength to pull all the way. everybody needs to cry or needs to spit. every sweet tooth needs just a little hit. every beauty needs to go out with an idiot. how can you stand next to the truth and not see it? oh, a change of heart comes slow."