Let it go

It's probably best that everything just passed through me. Not letting anything sink in anymore. Not going to feel it anymore. Just let it pass right through. Nothing has to affect me anymore if I don't let it. Nothing really has to break my heart or make my head churn anymore. Just gotta let it pass on through.

Possibilities

One of the things that this new experience at university has taught me is to not be afraid of anything novel. After being in a new country, which regardless of being so close to the US still has many different customs, I have this new hunger to travel and work. I have these plans for the next three or four years and I'm just ridiculously excited for what's in store. Even though I love what I'm studying and I have a burning passion for Psychology, I can't picture myself studying for three or four years straight. So yes, a gap year is something that I'm definitely contemplating. And after that producer messaged me looking to create an album, I decided that music is a part of me and that I can't just ignore it regardless of being a full time student. After getting into music this semester, I really would like to dedicate myself completely to music for a semester or two. So yes, that is a potential idea for a gap year. It would be a different yet good experience for me I think. It's nice and inspiring to be constantly surrounded by people who love music. My RA matched the "music kids" into two floors. Walking onto my floor and hearing guitars and singers…it's definitely grown on me. But what I truly want to thank them for is giving me the confidence this semester to actually explore what I really love. I had a hard semester. There were a lot of things going on, things that I didn't lead a lot of people on about. In fact, the past five months have just been really rough. Sometimes I listen to people on the radio and TV say that music "saved their lives." I always thought that was a little melodramatic. And maybe music hasn't literally saved my life, but it has definitely become what I displace all my energy into. And this energy includes all the bad energy and despair that I had to deal with this semester. I know that it's going to get a lot harder next semester but the only thing that has got me coming back is the fact that I now have something to rely on; something that I know will make me completely happy all the time. For a while there, I lost my way. I didn't know what I wanted and I didn't know what my priorities were. But after I got back into music and I moved to Canada, I realized that there is more to the world--more to me--than I had even anticipated. Sometimes it's easy to believe that you can't move past the things that you think define you. But it's possible. It's possible to gather enough strength to break free from the things that may confine you. It's okay to reach out to something new. So, this next semester is to escaping what confines me. It's to not letting specific things define me. This next semester is not about relying on others or other things; it's about relying on me. 

"Say something, I'm giving up on you"

Feels like this song is speaking my mind.

Couldn't find a song that depicts my thoughts right now better. 

"You're better for them when you're living your dreams. And there's nothing selfish about that."

Leaving in 5 Days

Who would've known that it would be scarier to go back…That I feel safer here and that all that keeps me stable is just not there. I get to go home and see the most important people in my life. Too excited for that. But who would've known that I feel better here.

Let the Finals Begin

So, it's been a good three months and a half…ish of McGill. And finally, all the work that I've put in these last months is going into these next 12 days. They're going to be so stressful and so hard but I am just going to do the best I can. Hopefully, they'll go on. In 12 days, I'll be home. I'll get to see my friends, my boyfriend, my family. It'll be so amazing. I'll get to see New York City again. I'll miss my room here, my friends, my family here. But one of the exciting parts about going back home is the fact that I won't have to worry about any work or having a short amount of time (although it still kind of is). I'll just get to concentrate on having a great time. TOO PUMPED.

Stay Tuned

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