"Everything that has hurt me, and that has made me happy is going to show today."

-Jessica Espinosa

Gone

The leaves are turning
Their unsettling colors trace your heart
My feet, like a leash, drag through them
And I watch as I tear them apart
Little by little, the leaves--
they turn from being whole to shreds
Floating away, they blow
The particles scatter and I am left with wonder
Of where they will go
Of where I will go
Of whether I should follow
or stay behind
The leaves are turning
And so have you

Found some Inspiration

Lately, I've been sitting at my piano a lot and composing. It's been a while. I lost a lot of things last year and I think that that provided a lot of inspiration for both my poetry and music. As of recently, thinking a lot about senior year and everything that I'll be losing once again soon, I have returned into my writing moods. This may also be due to the fact that I've been watching a lot of music competition shows. I've been watching both X Factor shows and The Voice. As someone who's always wanted to sing in front of an audience, I can only imagine the nerves and the anxiousness that each contestant has when standing on that stage in front of those judges. I have a lot respect for each person that can do that. It takes a lot of effort and bravery to show the most intimate of your vulnerabilities to not only four judges but also to a crowd in front of you AND an audience on T.V. I feel like I'm learning every single day just by watching each person sing. These shows teach me confidence, passion and overall, love--love for the skill of music. 

Here are a few of my favorite performances of 2012: 

^ Melanie Martinez on "The Voice"

^ James Arthur on "The X-Factor UK"

^Ella Henderson on "The X-Factor UK"

^Quatrele on "The X-Factor US"

This one, didn't really impress me musically

But the audition in itself is heartbreaking and it really shoots down those who judge at first sight

I think that's what art can do

It can surprise us in the most unexpected places

There's definitely something incredibly unsettling about senior year, to say the least. It doesn't seem as though I'm enjoying it too much. Most of the time, I'm just thinking about how much I miss certain people. I'm always wishing for them to be here, whether it's physically or mentally. Sure, this is a year to celebrate how far we've all gotten and how much there is ahead of us. But, I don't know how much I can enjoy this year without some people in it.

COLLEGE

oh my god
if i hear one more thing about college
and it's requirements:

act
sat II's
college essay
teacher recommendations
parent recommendations ??????
counselor recommendations
deadlines

....I will shoot someone

Yellow Dragon

There's a yellow dragon on my wall
It is right beneath the christmas lights
but it shines through to the other side

A yellow dragon on my wall
It breaths fire onto paper
And somehow jumps to life

This yellow dragon on my wall
Let it breathe light
Onto me and "goodluck," it speaks

September

woke up just in time

the leaves were spreading across the pavement

they were bitter and were brown

the summer was all dormant on the great apple's front

your lips, too, were numb, without sound

and my back against your wall was pressed 

hoping it would crumble down

i'd hoped the tale like cinderella's would last

that the white horse would come to rescue

but your mind was somewhere else

and beauty, she was sleeping, was awoken

and i woke up just in time

to realize that these leaves were nor bitter nor brown

but were simply far, 

without a token to come around