God

So I've been studying philosophy for my upcoming exams next week and reviewing philosophy of religion has really stirred old emotions towards the topic. Let me just start off by saying that it was probably one of my favorite units that I've ever studied, regardless of the subject. I've never really been one to follow religion. However, studying this in class made me realize a lot of things. Firstly, I realized what my idea of God really is. And secondly, I've realized what I fear. 

Freud described the concept of god by using children as examples. As small infants, we believed that our parents were all powerful and we felt helpless in front of them. We didn't really know what was right from wrong and thus, we relied on them to guide us. I guess, that my concept of god is somewhat the same. When I was younger, they were my version of god. I really expected them to show me all the routes to take. Now that I am older, they have not really outgrown or should I say, I--have not really outgrown the idea of them being god to me. They are still the people that I accomplish things for and who I turn to for guidance. Yet, it would be naïve of me to say that they are all I will work for in life. I'd like to believe that there is something out there or "up" there if I were to be cliché that is bigger, greater, stronger than us. Everyday I see small children wearing torn up clothes and old men and women that are laying on the streets with their eyes barely open begging for just a coin to get them through the day. There has to be something better than all of this, there has to be something better than what this world is. I'm not saying that I believe in a god, but I believe in what people define to be god--"perfection." I guess I believe in perfection. I believe that perhaps there is something grander that guides us and for me, that is the idea of perfection. Without perfection, I don't think I could actually wake up every morning and do what I do everyday, it simply gives me strength. God, in my opinion, is not some kind of giant human or a supernatural being that is standing over our shoulders granting us our wishes and watching over us. God is simply a concept. For me, God is not perfection, Perfection is God. 

Now, the second part that we studied in the religion unit was the problem of evil. The problem of evil is that it ultimately contradicts what monotheistic religions make out god to be. He is defined as some supernatural being that is all mighty, all benevolent, all well--perfect. The problem with evil is that it completely goes against that. If god created this world, then did he implant this evil too? Why would he do that? But, if there is evil in this world and god is meant to have created a purely perfect world, then does he not exist? Does he just not care enough? I, personally don't care about god and the evil in this world, whatever. I think that we just defined good and evil wrong. I think that for perfection to exist, there must be imperfection as well. Now, what I've realized that I fear is that there is nothing good out there. I want to see if there's something better than what I witness every single day. If god, or at least my definition of god, doesn't exist, then what am I striving for everyday?