Nov 4, 2014
A Comment I saw on a HONY Post
"People really want to talk, to be heard. humans have never been very good at communicating, even before social media. We all have these stories that don't take prying to let out. A nice conversation can lead to an in depth discussion about pain, suffering, happiness, poverty and riches. If given the opportunity with a stranger I would sit, or stand, and answer any question and hope that they won't judge me as I go off into a verbose tangent about my life, my trials, my tribulations. I would hope that they, as a fellow human being, will understand that we all lock away our voices all while dying to be heard."
Nov 3, 2014
I've Learned
There are a lot of things that I've learned about myself in the last year. I've been wanting to write this post for a while because I finally feel as though I've done the year of reflection that I've wanted to do for so long. So here we go...
Never exert yourself. This doesn't mean "don't challenge yourself" or "don't try hard." It simply means, do not push your limits. If you don't feel comfortable doing certain things or being a certain way, stop yourself and make the change you want to see. I'll relate this to a couple of things that I've noticed. Firstly, school wise. Last year, I found that I pushed myself to my limits. I was taking classes that I didn't necessarily enjoy and that were excessively challenging. In my second semester of my first year of college, I took on three psychology classes all at once. They all were required for my major and I needed to get certain grades in order to get the credits. The stress and emotional roller-coaster that I had to endure was ridiculous. I blamed it on myself. I made myself believe that I wasn't smart enough, that I couldn't succeed at such a competitive university. That's where I went wrong. I should've realized that I had been way in over my head and that I really just needed to keep trying in order to find the perfect balance that I was comfortable with. This year, I feel confident in the courses that I'm taking. I am doing a lot better and even if there's a bad grade here and there, at least I am not feeling as though I am not good enough everyday; at least now I am not feeling incapacitated, as though success is something that is a long way away.
Now is the best time, be patient. I realized that there's no use in pushing something if it doesn't go your way. My boyfriend used to tell me, "stop looking at the future, be here, be now." And I never truly understood that until a month ago. There is no use planning for the future. It is okay to hope, and to look forward to things. It is okay to have aspirations. But there is no use trying to manipulate it because like the Joe Strummer once said, "The future is unwritten." There is no use in feeling exasperated over things that can't work out in the moment. The point is to keep trying so that it works out one day. You don't know what will happen. You have no idea what will change. So respect the boundaries around you. Respect that situational factors may prevent you from doing things right away. This should never let you get off track from the things you want. There are always ways to alleviate the feeling of something being impossible. If you can't make an expensive, complex trip happen, buy yourself a ticket, get on a bus, get on a train, and travel somewhere. Get the craving out of your system. Realize that this is the first step towards making something bigger happen.
Don't get caught up in the little things. The easiest way to feel upset, to drive away those you love, to isolate yourself, is by putting too much weight on the things that in the long run really just don't matter. Unfortunately, I learned this in the process of ruining something that meant a lot to me. Look at the big picture. What is it that you want? What is it that is really bothering you? If you can overlook certain things, if you prioritize the things that are actually important instead of letting little things accumulate, then your emotions won't suffer the consequences in doing otherwise. I apply this especially to my friends and family. Remember that everyone around you is also human. People make mistakes. People have certain things going in their own lives, may be experiencing certain things that we have no idea about. It's important to remember who these people are at the core. If you do this, forgiving, even forgetting may be a lot easier than you believe. At the end of the day, you don't want to be alone. You don't want to be caught in your own anger and sadness just because you cannot overlook things that could otherwise be incredibly minor.
Let it all go and readjust. This is the most important lesson of all. If we don't have the capacity for compassion, sympathy and relativity, then we pretty much have nothing. We are social beings and without these, we are on the fastest road towards isolation. There are people in my life today that I could honestly say hurt me in ways unimaginable. I drew a line. There were certain people that I needed to cut out for obvious reasons. But there were other people: the people that I truly cared for. Those people are the ones that regardless of having caused me discomfort, were always there at the end of the day to give as much as I was giving them. I've realized this mostly with my family. I was not born into the most conventional and happy family. But I've never felt so connected to my family. It just took a change in perspective on my part, an adjustment. And as I did this, I felt their changes as well. I now feel more open with them, more loved, and I myself, am more loving. As cliché as it may sound, it is not as important to forget as it is to forgive. The people that hurt us, the way they hurt us, will forever be templates for what we do not want, what we do not deserve. And for that, I do thank them. I only hope that our relationships continue to be the healthy relationships that either side deserves. I hope old patterns never return and that we continue to follow the principles of compassion, sympathy and relativity.
So these are the lessons I've learned this year. It's now November and in just under two months, it will be an entirely new year. We will have to think of our goals for next year. I really don't want to take on too much, I don't want to make a commitment of such an enormity that if not fulfilled will cause upset. I simply want to keep learning next year. I want to end a year and feel as though I moved forward, that I was not stuck or trekking backwards. So I guess that will be my new year's goal: To keep learning.
Never exert yourself. This doesn't mean "don't challenge yourself" or "don't try hard." It simply means, do not push your limits. If you don't feel comfortable doing certain things or being a certain way, stop yourself and make the change you want to see. I'll relate this to a couple of things that I've noticed. Firstly, school wise. Last year, I found that I pushed myself to my limits. I was taking classes that I didn't necessarily enjoy and that were excessively challenging. In my second semester of my first year of college, I took on three psychology classes all at once. They all were required for my major and I needed to get certain grades in order to get the credits. The stress and emotional roller-coaster that I had to endure was ridiculous. I blamed it on myself. I made myself believe that I wasn't smart enough, that I couldn't succeed at such a competitive university. That's where I went wrong. I should've realized that I had been way in over my head and that I really just needed to keep trying in order to find the perfect balance that I was comfortable with. This year, I feel confident in the courses that I'm taking. I am doing a lot better and even if there's a bad grade here and there, at least I am not feeling as though I am not good enough everyday; at least now I am not feeling incapacitated, as though success is something that is a long way away.
Now is the best time, be patient. I realized that there's no use in pushing something if it doesn't go your way. My boyfriend used to tell me, "stop looking at the future, be here, be now." And I never truly understood that until a month ago. There is no use planning for the future. It is okay to hope, and to look forward to things. It is okay to have aspirations. But there is no use trying to manipulate it because like the Joe Strummer once said, "The future is unwritten." There is no use in feeling exasperated over things that can't work out in the moment. The point is to keep trying so that it works out one day. You don't know what will happen. You have no idea what will change. So respect the boundaries around you. Respect that situational factors may prevent you from doing things right away. This should never let you get off track from the things you want. There are always ways to alleviate the feeling of something being impossible. If you can't make an expensive, complex trip happen, buy yourself a ticket, get on a bus, get on a train, and travel somewhere. Get the craving out of your system. Realize that this is the first step towards making something bigger happen.
Don't get caught up in the little things. The easiest way to feel upset, to drive away those you love, to isolate yourself, is by putting too much weight on the things that in the long run really just don't matter. Unfortunately, I learned this in the process of ruining something that meant a lot to me. Look at the big picture. What is it that you want? What is it that is really bothering you? If you can overlook certain things, if you prioritize the things that are actually important instead of letting little things accumulate, then your emotions won't suffer the consequences in doing otherwise. I apply this especially to my friends and family. Remember that everyone around you is also human. People make mistakes. People have certain things going in their own lives, may be experiencing certain things that we have no idea about. It's important to remember who these people are at the core. If you do this, forgiving, even forgetting may be a lot easier than you believe. At the end of the day, you don't want to be alone. You don't want to be caught in your own anger and sadness just because you cannot overlook things that could otherwise be incredibly minor.
Let it all go and readjust. This is the most important lesson of all. If we don't have the capacity for compassion, sympathy and relativity, then we pretty much have nothing. We are social beings and without these, we are on the fastest road towards isolation. There are people in my life today that I could honestly say hurt me in ways unimaginable. I drew a line. There were certain people that I needed to cut out for obvious reasons. But there were other people: the people that I truly cared for. Those people are the ones that regardless of having caused me discomfort, were always there at the end of the day to give as much as I was giving them. I've realized this mostly with my family. I was not born into the most conventional and happy family. But I've never felt so connected to my family. It just took a change in perspective on my part, an adjustment. And as I did this, I felt their changes as well. I now feel more open with them, more loved, and I myself, am more loving. As cliché as it may sound, it is not as important to forget as it is to forgive. The people that hurt us, the way they hurt us, will forever be templates for what we do not want, what we do not deserve. And for that, I do thank them. I only hope that our relationships continue to be the healthy relationships that either side deserves. I hope old patterns never return and that we continue to follow the principles of compassion, sympathy and relativity.
So these are the lessons I've learned this year. It's now November and in just under two months, it will be an entirely new year. We will have to think of our goals for next year. I really don't want to take on too much, I don't want to make a commitment of such an enormity that if not fulfilled will cause upset. I simply want to keep learning next year. I want to end a year and feel as though I moved forward, that I was not stuck or trekking backwards. So I guess that will be my new year's goal: To keep learning.
Oct 26, 2014
Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not envious, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13
Second Tattoo
So I've decided to get my second tattoo. This time, I'm going to get the coordinates of the apartment that I grew up in on 28th street. I'm going to get them on the backside of my left shoulder blade, just north west of where my heart is. It's going to be amazing because this tattoo is going to mean the world to me. Everyone has a place where a bunch of first's happened. For me, 201 E 28th will always be that place.
Oct 21, 2014
Luna
So two days ago, my roommates and I decided to take in a cat that was in desperate need for a home. Essentially, there was a hoarding situation, consisting of around 90 cats and around 20 of them desperately needed a quieter, more civilized homing situation. We now are fostering a small black cat with the most beautiful green eyes. She is incredible and I haven't even gotten to properly meet her yet.
The hard part of taking care of a traumatized cat is that it takes a lot of patience, and a lot of pain in the process. It's not the easiest seeing a little animal afraid. But you just always have to remind yourself that in time, they will become curious and they will want to explore on their own. But I guess cats especially do everything in their own time.
Anyways, we named her Luna Killy.
Her first name is Luna just because we wanted to appropriate her name to the midnight black fur she has. But, we also wanted to attribute her darkness with something light. So, the moon seemed like the best thing to relate her to.
So welcome home, Luna. You haven't seen light. And you're not used to people. Or this new environment. But you have three great people on your side just rooting for you to make it through :)
The hard part of taking care of a traumatized cat is that it takes a lot of patience, and a lot of pain in the process. It's not the easiest seeing a little animal afraid. But you just always have to remind yourself that in time, they will become curious and they will want to explore on their own. But I guess cats especially do everything in their own time.
Anyways, we named her Luna Killy.
Her first name is Luna just because we wanted to appropriate her name to the midnight black fur she has. But, we also wanted to attribute her darkness with something light. So, the moon seemed like the best thing to relate her to.
So welcome home, Luna. You haven't seen light. And you're not used to people. Or this new environment. But you have three great people on your side just rooting for you to make it through :)
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