New Years Resolution

I can breathe again, I can breathe again! Literally, I've felt so suffocated for the past few months but I realize now that I'm the only one who's fault that is. I have been so careful to not fall into old patterns and traps but I know now that I am missing a lot of the things that I had. I am finally learning that sometimes it's not always about moving on and forgetting certain things, it is truly about facing every single hardship and just admitting to yourself that in order to truly move on, you must accept they happened. 

You can waste a lot of time blaming others for the bad shit that happens to you and you can spend a lot of your days and nights wondering why it's all happening at all. But truthfully, it won't go away and your headache won't go away until you sit down and realize that you need to take initiative. I can honestly say that I've been shying away from my problems and that I chose a path that not only made my situations worse but also gave me absolutely zero benefits. Staying resentful and bitter leaves you with no reward whatsoever. You must face those hardships. You must grab them and shake them and cry and scream and then...you must silence them. And the only way to silence them, is if you silence yourself. The way to silence yourself is to admit things to yourself. And I have finally admitted things to myself.

This was not all your fault. I am sorry for making you feel that way. This is my fault too. I have been ridiculous. And I know it's taken me a really long time to realize this but, "better late than never." And I will spend a long time repaying you for all the hell you've been through. Not only with me but just...ever. Because that's what we do for each other. You are a fucking great person and I admire you so much.

So, here's my New Years Resolution: I will make it up to you. I owe you that much.