"you've got to got to bounce"

nothing distracts me anymore. i choose what bothers me and what doesn't. i want what i want and any obstacles in my way... well there are none. at least in my head that's how it should be. you create the obstacles. there are none if you have it clear in your head where you want to go. i won't be taken aback by something such as the vanity of a selfish life. then again, i shouldn't be like this. i should let myself sway with the ocean and let myself get slightly closer to the sunset each day instead of riding right towards it. the beauty of swaying is the embrace of the curves and the reality of the light that hits you each time you glide around a wave. obstacles give you the time to ponder, to feel, to exist but without them, you might feel but you can't articulate or ignite the words within. numb. yeah, that's what it is. i'm numb. concussional is what i've become, unable to speak, however, able to sense the aura, the ambience. and the presence of this determination has taken all the courage i have left, becoming easy to pretend. "i really fucked it up this time. didn't i, my dear?"