It feels like I have so little control over anything that is going on with me.
I'm unhappy about a lot of things and I'm getting overwhelmed by this need to start getting rid of all of it.
And that will take a huge jump on my part.
To feel clean and happy alone, by myself, in my thoughts.
I haven't done it in so long but it has to happen.
No more doing things that I don't want to do.
No more boring.
No more lame.
No more lazy.
No more tired.
I only want people in my life that inspire me and drive me to do great.
I only want to take part in a job that pushes me to be crazy, creative, happy, me.

feet tied to stones

Oh Wonder - Lose It (Jerry Folk Remix)

“I don't know where the money goes

I get broke as the city glows

Shines bright as I sink down low

Down low

But I've got plans to get to you

You know, don't you know

Gonna build a paper plane to float to you

You know, don't you know”

Oh Wonder - Drive

Come Clean

Dear 2017,

I've been thinking a lot lately about everything that I'm so lucky to have.
I have a friend and she's been feeling tormented over the past 5 months about something that she's done that she can't actually confess to anyone about. I've imagined everything possible.
But she's ashamed, she's hurt people, and she doesn't think anyone will see her the same.
She's lost two friends for doing something supposedly unforgivable.

I want everyone in this world to know that my biggest realization of 2016 is the value of coming clean. Consequences, issues, anything that you make up in your head during the time that you can't find it in you to confront something takes more of a toll on you than actually confronting it.

But the people that will stand by you in times of need and the ones that care about you most won't abandon you when the going gets really tough.

So I'm praying all the time for her. Because I realize how hard it must be to not feel stable. To lose friends. To not spend the holidays with your family. And if not your family, at least with the ones you care about the most. There's nothing more horrible than realizing that you've been abandoned, feeling alone, feeling hopeless.

But you have to hustle.
You have to want to be happy.
You need to battle the depression, the issues.
You need to come clean.
Not for anyone else but for you.
Because then you'll never move on.
And a new year will turn the corner and you'll still be in last year's dynamics.
So come clean, I beg of you.
Get it off your back, realize that you're forgivable.
The next step won't be easy.
But nothing is permanent!
Come clean.

I hope 2017 treats you well my friend.
You deserve it.
And I hope you know that I forgive you already, for whatever it is.

Because everyone deserves support and love and family.
In whatever shape or form they're in, you deserve that.


Love,
P

SoySauce - Gravity Waves (feat. Saturn)